it is with one of the greatest depressions of my life that i set out to write about one of the umpteen boring phases of my life...ppl who are fed up of my cribbing are set free to do so and hellowwww....it does occur to me that even i think why do i write this stuff.....good question i like it....but the thing is that i dont have an answer thankyouverymuch.....
well it happens in my life that things i never want to happen in my life come back at me with a passionate hatred that all i can do was to wonder why i was chosen given my very limited bearing ability...another good question indeed...is someone listening?
hmmm.....listening to depressing music, have a lot of time with which u hav absolutely nothing to do, 3/8th of the life bein spent with people who think all u worth is a piece of shit, waiting for a lot of things to happen none of which u are sure about, goin nowhere witt yer professional life(more because of inability)....thats what this phase of my life offers me......well nothing great but no regrets watsoeva....
these days i fear of being spoilt......i donno if boozing and smoking account to bein bad but seriously i dont care if they do......i already started worshippin alcohol(the last coupla times i was literally dragged out of the bar) but somehow it was better than most of the things i considered the best for me....it had never let me down.....this thing is quite silly at this age but i cant help it....i donno y i act as if someone cares if i smoke,snort, got drunk and screw up my life...its high time to take my life all into my hands...brilliant idea if only it wasnt freakin difficult to do that....
alass.....sometime back there was a small town guy who considered a date witt a gurl was all it needed for him to be happy.....gone are those days and that guy was certainly gone for good......ofcourse it is with utmost difficulty that i stay away from them...though i get back to them occassionally the vengeance in their ignorance completely beats the shit outta me.....i guess i need this...
and then the thing i detest the most is the constant enquiries abt my package.....i shreik with my highest possible tone that i dont earn much!!!! though i wouldn't go on and say that im least interested in money and worldly pleasures, still i maintain that im very content with what i make for myself....i truly feel that im gettin what i deserve and sometimes even more than that....and that is only if some of you donot take the sadistic pleasure of refering to a person two years my junior who has switched 3 companies, earning twice as much as i do, drives an AUDI and lives in United States of Fucking America....i mean i dont think that you would go home and sleep peacefully if i become an Ambani overnight....would you????
and finally i have applied for the CAT to get into the IIMs not that i think i can make it...only coz i have the goddamned thirteen hundred rupees and i dont hav to ask anyone fer it....ill chop yer fingers off even if yeu think abt wishing me the best of luck.....i dont want anymore ppl to depress...i have myself for letting me down.....
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Loser and(in) Me II....an evening with the Loser(in me).....
In some parts of the world where people clad in formals listen to endless telephone conversations helping foreigners in their business Fridays are a boon and if that is the last day of the month it cant get any better coz u have got your salary and are looking forward to spend a laidback weekend. It was one of those Fridays which I always expect each day to be and I was grinning happily looking at the SMS sent by the bank confirming that my salary was credited. My happiness never lasts long and this time its no different and soon I got a call from Loser.
"Dude I wanna meet you now" his voice was dumb as usual. I hated it and him for spoiling my mood.
"Cant you see?? I'm not getting paid for sitting idle all day and thinking shit like you. I have a fucking job and I can't meet you now" May be I was a bit too harsh on him but he dint care. He never cares abt my mood or wat I do.
"So how about making it tonight?" He asked.
"Like I have a choice" I murmured and hung up.
So that night at 10 PM we made ourselves comfortable on our couches with Antiquity Blue accompanying us. We both had it thrice that day and it was showing some effect on me. I was contemplating about the talk if I should initiate not that I had any interest but it was inevitable.
"Dude..Life sucks" He declared finally. I was happy dat he started talking coz the silence was getting to my nerve. I nodded my head in consensus. He was lost in his own thoughts and for a moment I thought that if he could be lost in his own thoughts why take the pain of calling me. May be that was the only reason I like to be with him coz he is vulnerable with me. He doesn't have any friends other than me and so I don't know how he would be with others but as far as I know he is the only person who consults me about his problems. I do have my share of them but I never discuss them with him just coz I feel that it'll make me weak in front of him and also I always thought that I will find someone better to share with, one thing he was sure that'd never happen.
"Wassamatter dude...Dont wanna confess?" I mocked him. One look at his eyes told me that he was attempting to be serious, lame attempt though I thought.
"Sometimes it happens in life that you never know what interests you anymore, the team which you cheer for always looses in the IPL, you have the most painful break-up of your life, no one cares a shit about you, and not even 360 ml of the most expensive scotch makes any fucking difference to the thoughts going on in your head." He spoke slowly and intensely and for a moment I thought he was in pain but I chose to ignore it coz he is a man and he for sure has to take care of himself and has to stop givin me shit coz I hav enuf of it in my mind. And secondly he is a guy. It's a different thing if it is a gal not that listening to their pains is any easy.
"It is amazing how things of little significance tend to piss you badly at these times, how different and blissful life used to be when we were kids and don't know a thing about how life would be or of course how it should be, how painful and vulnerable expectations of any sort can make you."
"Common man stop this coz this aint takin u anywhere" I wanted to scream but thot better of it coz I know that it's a waste of time and energy to talk things of sense to him at any point.
"Expectations. They make you feel like a piece of crap. Tell you what dude even though you feel that I am a piece of crap the realization of the fact is more painful than the fact itself." He is at his patronizing best and given half a chance I would run away from him and neva face him for my entire life.
"No man I neva thought of you in that way" I said placing my hand on his shoulder. This is an intelligent bastard I thought, making me say things which I would never say to him and I prayed for that goddamned scotch that he was drinking to have some effect on him so that he can doze off and spare me his loser statements.
"Take an advice dude. This is absolutely free. Life is a bitch and it sucks the moment you thought you have figured it out. Never love anyone more than yourself" offering me that gyan he dozed off.
Once again I was alone one thing which I was quite used to from long. I had a long night ahead and there is no whisky left.
"Dude I wanna meet you now" his voice was dumb as usual. I hated it and him for spoiling my mood.
"Cant you see?? I'm not getting paid for sitting idle all day and thinking shit like you. I have a fucking job and I can't meet you now" May be I was a bit too harsh on him but he dint care. He never cares abt my mood or wat I do.
"So how about making it tonight?" He asked.
"Like I have a choice" I murmured and hung up.
So that night at 10 PM we made ourselves comfortable on our couches with Antiquity Blue accompanying us. We both had it thrice that day and it was showing some effect on me. I was contemplating about the talk if I should initiate not that I had any interest but it was inevitable.
"Dude..Life sucks" He declared finally. I was happy dat he started talking coz the silence was getting to my nerve. I nodded my head in consensus. He was lost in his own thoughts and for a moment I thought that if he could be lost in his own thoughts why take the pain of calling me. May be that was the only reason I like to be with him coz he is vulnerable with me. He doesn't have any friends other than me and so I don't know how he would be with others but as far as I know he is the only person who consults me about his problems. I do have my share of them but I never discuss them with him just coz I feel that it'll make me weak in front of him and also I always thought that I will find someone better to share with, one thing he was sure that'd never happen.
"Wassamatter dude...Dont wanna confess?" I mocked him. One look at his eyes told me that he was attempting to be serious, lame attempt though I thought.
"Sometimes it happens in life that you never know what interests you anymore, the team which you cheer for always looses in the IPL, you have the most painful break-up of your life, no one cares a shit about you, and not even 360 ml of the most expensive scotch makes any fucking difference to the thoughts going on in your head." He spoke slowly and intensely and for a moment I thought he was in pain but I chose to ignore it coz he is a man and he for sure has to take care of himself and has to stop givin me shit coz I hav enuf of it in my mind. And secondly he is a guy. It's a different thing if it is a gal not that listening to their pains is any easy.
"It is amazing how things of little significance tend to piss you badly at these times, how different and blissful life used to be when we were kids and don't know a thing about how life would be or of course how it should be, how painful and vulnerable expectations of any sort can make you."
"Common man stop this coz this aint takin u anywhere" I wanted to scream but thot better of it coz I know that it's a waste of time and energy to talk things of sense to him at any point.
"Expectations. They make you feel like a piece of crap. Tell you what dude even though you feel that I am a piece of crap the realization of the fact is more painful than the fact itself." He is at his patronizing best and given half a chance I would run away from him and neva face him for my entire life.
"No man I neva thought of you in that way" I said placing my hand on his shoulder. This is an intelligent bastard I thought, making me say things which I would never say to him and I prayed for that goddamned scotch that he was drinking to have some effect on him so that he can doze off and spare me his loser statements.
"Take an advice dude. This is absolutely free. Life is a bitch and it sucks the moment you thought you have figured it out. Never love anyone more than yourself" offering me that gyan he dozed off.
Once again I was alone one thing which I was quite used to from long. I had a long night ahead and there is no whisky left.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
...not just another day.....
Train journeys can be the most boring things that can ever happen to you in ur life and especially if u dont have any of Chetan Bhagat's books wid u and no F(16-23)s in ur proximity there is every possibility of them bein a disaster. That night i was pretty relieved to get finally out of the Konark Express and swore that i would travel by air from the next time, a promise like all the ones i made and that wasn't likely to happen.
I got out of my compartment at 1:00 AM in the morning and for the first time i was in Pune. I donno if it was a usual night in Pune but i found it pleasant and different. i thought i would do well with a coffee but the funny thing wid coffee in indian railway stations is dat never do you get a coffee which tastes as a coffee unless it is some of those branded coffee shops where the coffee is called as Cappuccino and it costs somewhere around half the salary of a daily wage labourer. Sommetimes the sugar goes missing, sometimes its the milk and some other times it is the combination of two like sugar and milk or milk and coffee powder. Its amazing how the vendors come up with different combinations to prepare cofee and how conveniently they forget the correct mix.
After cribbing for five more minutes i settled for a coffee with all those qualities mentioned above. It tasted bitter and i wanted to get outta dat place and head towards my room. It was 1:15 AM and i knew that the auto drivers would deprive me of every single rupee i had in my wallet knowing well that i dont have nay other option. Man!! these auto drivers donot know the value of a Rupee. I stood there helplessly for some time coz i really dont have the amount which he asked me for. I thought to spend the night in the railway station and catch the bus next day morning.
I waited for some 30 minutes or so and there came a train from Banglore. A bunch of people got down from this one as well but only one girl caught my attention. She was alone and beautiful though i wasnt sure of the former or the later. She bargained wid the same auto driver and i stood there making ample use of this time to confirm my thought abt her bein beautiful. With her reaction it was quite obvious that even she wasnt pleased abt the fare. She stood at the same place and was waiting for another auto driver. Suddenly an idea struck in my mind as i wasnt short of ideas of this sort at any instant of my life. I saw myself in a mirror and immediately wished for a better look. I adjusted my hairstyle for the umpteenth time and with a lively grin(oh i considered it lively) went to her.
"Hmm..Tough time with drivers eh?" I said.
"They know that we dont hav much choice and i guess we know dat too...pretty tough" she said
"I have an idea. How much do you have?"
She did some math and said " One hundred and twenty five"
"I have a hundred and fifty five with me and that gives us two hundred and eighty rupees. I think we can get thru..wat say??" I waited anxiously for her reply.
She weighed the possibilities and thought for 30 seconds and flashed a smile.
Hmm..some night ..I thought. We bargained with another auto driver and finally struck a deal wid him for two hundred and sixty rupees and started walking towards the auto. She switched her bag twice on her shoulders and for a second i was tempted to offer her help but heck my luggage was too heavy for me. But the auto driver dutifully offered her the help and i doubt he would have made it if it were me. We made ourselves comfortable in the auto . it wasnt pretty cold outside and i thot may be the night was just about perfect. why not when u r wid a beautiful girl in an auto at 1:00 AM the night ought to be perfect right??
The first few minutes went away in silence. I glanced at her thrice before our eyes finally met. Once again a smile flashed on her face.
"U frm Banglore eh?" I said.
"yep" a monosyllable answer. Too bad for a start. Hmm...
"A software engineer right???"
"Yeah. How did you figure it out???". May be she was beginnin to get interested or it was too quick for me to get to a conclusion.
"Hmm..that is easy. If you are twenty something and from banglore there is a great chance that ppl think u r a software engineer" i said with a smile.
She smiled back and asked " What if Im twenty something and from Ahmedabad??"
"An aspiring business woman i guess though not pretty sure"
"Mumbai?"
"Model"
"And Hyderabad?"
"Love Failure."I said and she burst out into laughter and brushed aside a lock of her hair which was exactly the way great authors describe about their heroines. I neither possess the finesse nor the language to describe it better but i cannot refrain myself from sayin that it was a pleasing sight to watch and i thought of asking her to do that again but somehow thot better of it.
"So how long have you been in Pune?" I broke the silence coz it was too difficlut for me to stop talking.
"Uh..not so long.. well lets say 2 months dats it" she said obviously pleased for havin a conversation instead of dull and eery silence.
"U see movies??" I guess that was a dumb question but sometimes they are the ones that get animated responses.
"I used to see a lot of movies infact every one of them but now-a-days i dont get much time and the multiplexes dont show movies for the middle class".She said.
"So what abt ya?" she enquired.
"Im comin from Hyderabad" I said
"What do you do?"
"Im a Software Engineer too."
"Is it? You dont luk like one" She said and smiled. I was taken aback. I wouldn't have continued our chat if her smile wasn't so cute.
"As if you luk like one" I retorted.
"Oh really..Then how do i luk like?" she asked.
"Beautiful." I donno why i said that but that i mean she was indeed beautiful but my mentioning it kinda took her by suprise. There was an embarassing silence for the next few minutes. I donno what she thought while i was thinking of ways to convince my parents abt their possible daughter-in-law not knowin Telugu. Hmm..blame it on my thoughts or my age for i really dont care.
"Well that is the under statement of the year" she said. I donno if she took my compliment in a positive approach but she was certainly friendly.
We chatted for about another err..i donno the exact duration or the context but it was fun bein wid her. I thot of meeting her again cozz i know that this journey would end pretty soon. I dint want to be pushy or vulnerable and so weighed the possibilities for two full minutes. It was obvious that there was nothin to loose and so i gained some courage took a deep breath and said in a nonchalant tone
"Well there is this famous coffee shop around the corner of your office building and i heard ppl say dat it is one of those rare places where you can actually sit and have coffee ...." i donno whether my voice trailed off or if i was interrupted.
"Are you kinda asking me out?" She asked
"well to be frank yes.. i mean i enjoyed this journey and i feel dat we can know each other better..." i could have come up with one thousand dumber excuses if she dint stop me and luckily she did.
"I have busy schedules this week and the coming week. So how about the final saturday of this month?? Do ya have a credit card??" One more smile and i could have easily taken my credit card and given it to her. But sanity prevailed .
"So you were saying yes???" my logical mind refusing it every moment.
"Why is there some prob wid it?" She asked.
"Hmm..not really. Actually i hail from a place where they still consider it to be of western culture to see a guy and a gurl and dat too who donot have more than an overnight of friendship". Thankyou. No need to remind me Iam dumb.
"Planet Mars right?".She said raising an eyebrow.
"Similar to that" I added. We smiled in unison.
I got down and paid my share of the auto fare and started to relive the entire evening. i donno if iam waitning for the final saturday but at that momment that night seemed pleasant enuf to make the remaining week run well.
I got out of my compartment at 1:00 AM in the morning and for the first time i was in Pune. I donno if it was a usual night in Pune but i found it pleasant and different. i thought i would do well with a coffee but the funny thing wid coffee in indian railway stations is dat never do you get a coffee which tastes as a coffee unless it is some of those branded coffee shops where the coffee is called as Cappuccino and it costs somewhere around half the salary of a daily wage labourer. Sommetimes the sugar goes missing, sometimes its the milk and some other times it is the combination of two like sugar and milk or milk and coffee powder. Its amazing how the vendors come up with different combinations to prepare cofee and how conveniently they forget the correct mix.
After cribbing for five more minutes i settled for a coffee with all those qualities mentioned above. It tasted bitter and i wanted to get outta dat place and head towards my room. It was 1:15 AM and i knew that the auto drivers would deprive me of every single rupee i had in my wallet knowing well that i dont have nay other option. Man!! these auto drivers donot know the value of a Rupee. I stood there helplessly for some time coz i really dont have the amount which he asked me for. I thought to spend the night in the railway station and catch the bus next day morning.
I waited for some 30 minutes or so and there came a train from Banglore. A bunch of people got down from this one as well but only one girl caught my attention. She was alone and beautiful though i wasnt sure of the former or the later. She bargained wid the same auto driver and i stood there making ample use of this time to confirm my thought abt her bein beautiful. With her reaction it was quite obvious that even she wasnt pleased abt the fare. She stood at the same place and was waiting for another auto driver. Suddenly an idea struck in my mind as i wasnt short of ideas of this sort at any instant of my life. I saw myself in a mirror and immediately wished for a better look. I adjusted my hairstyle for the umpteenth time and with a lively grin(oh i considered it lively) went to her.
"Hmm..Tough time with drivers eh?" I said.
"They know that we dont hav much choice and i guess we know dat too...pretty tough" she said
"I have an idea. How much do you have?"
She did some math and said " One hundred and twenty five"
"I have a hundred and fifty five with me and that gives us two hundred and eighty rupees. I think we can get thru..wat say??" I waited anxiously for her reply.
She weighed the possibilities and thought for 30 seconds and flashed a smile.
Hmm..some night ..I thought. We bargained with another auto driver and finally struck a deal wid him for two hundred and sixty rupees and started walking towards the auto. She switched her bag twice on her shoulders and for a second i was tempted to offer her help but heck my luggage was too heavy for me. But the auto driver dutifully offered her the help and i doubt he would have made it if it were me. We made ourselves comfortable in the auto . it wasnt pretty cold outside and i thot may be the night was just about perfect. why not when u r wid a beautiful girl in an auto at 1:00 AM the night ought to be perfect right??
The first few minutes went away in silence. I glanced at her thrice before our eyes finally met. Once again a smile flashed on her face.
"U frm Banglore eh?" I said.
"yep" a monosyllable answer. Too bad for a start. Hmm...
"A software engineer right???"
"Yeah. How did you figure it out???". May be she was beginnin to get interested or it was too quick for me to get to a conclusion.
"Hmm..that is easy. If you are twenty something and from banglore there is a great chance that ppl think u r a software engineer" i said with a smile.
She smiled back and asked " What if Im twenty something and from Ahmedabad??"
"An aspiring business woman i guess though not pretty sure"
"Mumbai?"
"Model"
"And Hyderabad?"
"Love Failure."I said and she burst out into laughter and brushed aside a lock of her hair which was exactly the way great authors describe about their heroines. I neither possess the finesse nor the language to describe it better but i cannot refrain myself from sayin that it was a pleasing sight to watch and i thought of asking her to do that again but somehow thot better of it.
"So how long have you been in Pune?" I broke the silence coz it was too difficlut for me to stop talking.
"Uh..not so long.. well lets say 2 months dats it" she said obviously pleased for havin a conversation instead of dull and eery silence.
"U see movies??" I guess that was a dumb question but sometimes they are the ones that get animated responses.
"I used to see a lot of movies infact every one of them but now-a-days i dont get much time and the multiplexes dont show movies for the middle class".She said.
"So what abt ya?" she enquired.
"Im comin from Hyderabad" I said
"What do you do?"
"Im a Software Engineer too."
"Is it? You dont luk like one" She said and smiled. I was taken aback. I wouldn't have continued our chat if her smile wasn't so cute.
"As if you luk like one" I retorted.
"Oh really..Then how do i luk like?" she asked.
"Beautiful." I donno why i said that but that i mean she was indeed beautiful but my mentioning it kinda took her by suprise. There was an embarassing silence for the next few minutes. I donno what she thought while i was thinking of ways to convince my parents abt their possible daughter-in-law not knowin Telugu. Hmm..blame it on my thoughts or my age for i really dont care.
"Well that is the under statement of the year" she said. I donno if she took my compliment in a positive approach but she was certainly friendly.
We chatted for about another err..i donno the exact duration or the context but it was fun bein wid her. I thot of meeting her again cozz i know that this journey would end pretty soon. I dint want to be pushy or vulnerable and so weighed the possibilities for two full minutes. It was obvious that there was nothin to loose and so i gained some courage took a deep breath and said in a nonchalant tone
"Well there is this famous coffee shop around the corner of your office building and i heard ppl say dat it is one of those rare places where you can actually sit and have coffee ...." i donno whether my voice trailed off or if i was interrupted.
"Are you kinda asking me out?" She asked
"well to be frank yes.. i mean i enjoyed this journey and i feel dat we can know each other better..." i could have come up with one thousand dumber excuses if she dint stop me and luckily she did.
"I have busy schedules this week and the coming week. So how about the final saturday of this month?? Do ya have a credit card??" One more smile and i could have easily taken my credit card and given it to her. But sanity prevailed .
"So you were saying yes???" my logical mind refusing it every moment.
"Why is there some prob wid it?" She asked.
"Hmm..not really. Actually i hail from a place where they still consider it to be of western culture to see a guy and a gurl and dat too who donot have more than an overnight of friendship". Thankyou. No need to remind me Iam dumb.
"Planet Mars right?".She said raising an eyebrow.
"Similar to that" I added. We smiled in unison.
I got down and paid my share of the auto fare and started to relive the entire evening. i donno if iam waitning for the final saturday but at that momment that night seemed pleasant enuf to make the remaining week run well.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Loser and(in) Me
It was one of those many days when Loser was struggling to get outta his not-so-cozy bed, expecting his life to change without even opening his eyes in the faint hope that he would see somethin pleasant when he sees the light . If any of you guys even think of advising that things wont change by dreaming abt them i would advise you to shove that piece of info in ur ass if it fits in. Losers are made of those stuff. Soon Loser realises that everything was same as it always used to be.Ahh!!the reality..to hell with it. He tried to recollect a dream which he had last night but with little success.He flashed a smile which he considered to be sardonic and i donno if dat actually was a smile. Lemme tell you he sucks even while smiling.
It was a saturday morning and hes got nothing to do witt the weekend. So he preferred to lay some more time on his bed and resorted to his favourite pastime, looking back into his life for the umpteenth time. Now this is the thing which i can neva understand. As far as my knowledge goes with me bein wid him since his birth i neva came across an incident which was worth remembering once again in his life. An odd friend here, a so-called love there and some first day movies though im not sure if he thinks about them and some Karan-Joharish instances which only he finds interesting to reminsce. God!!!! he is a Loser.But still it amazes me how he spends so many hours lukin back into his life, i doubt if he has one.
I sat there lukin at him and he suddenly got this weird idea to write his heart out for which i kinda freaked out. Now i knew what he was leading to and i wished i wasnt there with him for any second of my life but then again i realised i was too much into dis to back away and the result is what you are seeing right now. I got myself the most coveted job on the planet and no one can ever dream to be at a place like me. These lines were ofcourse his'. Sometimes i really feel like showing him the direction to hell so that he can actually go there but there are times when i need him so that i can find comfort in our grief and solace in our loneliness. He has never came back to me begging how many ever times i left him coz he for sure knows that i was the one who always would be in need of someone. I wanted everything in my life and he knew that we(both) cannot get anything in our life. So i keep chasing and he keeps waiting. Soon i realise that his wait is better than my chase and he always welcomes me i guess reluctantly though.
So he cant write but he doesnt care. He can think and when i say he can think it means he can really think. Mannn!! those thoughts no one can ever beat him in his outright pessimism with a stupid grin etched all over his face( His face according to him is cute and i wish i can find someone in our 1.1Billion populated country to agree with him and ofcourse he doesn't care for my wish is a different thing altogether). And he expects me to write all those crazy stuff and i obliged him regretting it every second. Welcome to my life. It sucks , no doubt we are a pair. What i dont like in this whole thing is that his life is even worse and he doesnt care about it. He has no dreams, no passion, no friends except me and is lazy like i dont know the laziest animal but im sure he would surpass it in laziness.
I literally dragged him outta his bed after wat it seemed to be an eternity to me. He followed me and thanked me for accepting to write for him. I donno if he was genuine coz i dont have the ability to read ppl's mind and given a half chance i would run away from him and lukin into his face and tryin to read his mind according to me would be the best punishment for me in hell after my death.
PS: The whole thing of calling the protagonist a loser was inspired from Chetan Bhagat's FPS(Remember the Alok thing). Ya there are people who like those stuff and iam one of those.
PPS: This Loser was a hypothetical character or to be frank he was my own self projected by me in a different way. I call him the Loser coz i feel better criticizing someone then blaming it on myself. Ya u r absolutely right. Iam the Goddamned Loser.If you are reading this by chance blame it on the first person u saw this morning and if it is by ur choice then I welcome you to the world of my Loser.
PPPS: If any of u ppl havent read five point someone or seen taare zameen par pls do those two favours to yourself..
I donno how many of you are waiting for the Loser to rant again i for one certainly not lukin fwd for it....
It was a saturday morning and hes got nothing to do witt the weekend. So he preferred to lay some more time on his bed and resorted to his favourite pastime, looking back into his life for the umpteenth time. Now this is the thing which i can neva understand. As far as my knowledge goes with me bein wid him since his birth i neva came across an incident which was worth remembering once again in his life. An odd friend here, a so-called love there and some first day movies though im not sure if he thinks about them and some Karan-Joharish instances which only he finds interesting to reminsce. God!!!! he is a Loser.But still it amazes me how he spends so many hours lukin back into his life, i doubt if he has one.
I sat there lukin at him and he suddenly got this weird idea to write his heart out for which i kinda freaked out. Now i knew what he was leading to and i wished i wasnt there with him for any second of my life but then again i realised i was too much into dis to back away and the result is what you are seeing right now. I got myself the most coveted job on the planet and no one can ever dream to be at a place like me. These lines were ofcourse his'. Sometimes i really feel like showing him the direction to hell so that he can actually go there but there are times when i need him so that i can find comfort in our grief and solace in our loneliness. He has never came back to me begging how many ever times i left him coz he for sure knows that i was the one who always would be in need of someone. I wanted everything in my life and he knew that we(both) cannot get anything in our life. So i keep chasing and he keeps waiting. Soon i realise that his wait is better than my chase and he always welcomes me i guess reluctantly though.
So he cant write but he doesnt care. He can think and when i say he can think it means he can really think. Mannn!! those thoughts no one can ever beat him in his outright pessimism with a stupid grin etched all over his face( His face according to him is cute and i wish i can find someone in our 1.1Billion populated country to agree with him and ofcourse he doesn't care for my wish is a different thing altogether). And he expects me to write all those crazy stuff and i obliged him regretting it every second. Welcome to my life. It sucks , no doubt we are a pair. What i dont like in this whole thing is that his life is even worse and he doesnt care about it. He has no dreams, no passion, no friends except me and is lazy like i dont know the laziest animal but im sure he would surpass it in laziness.
I literally dragged him outta his bed after wat it seemed to be an eternity to me. He followed me and thanked me for accepting to write for him. I donno if he was genuine coz i dont have the ability to read ppl's mind and given a half chance i would run away from him and lukin into his face and tryin to read his mind according to me would be the best punishment for me in hell after my death.
PS: The whole thing of calling the protagonist a loser was inspired from Chetan Bhagat's FPS(Remember the Alok thing). Ya there are people who like those stuff and iam one of those.
PPS: This Loser was a hypothetical character or to be frank he was my own self projected by me in a different way. I call him the Loser coz i feel better criticizing someone then blaming it on myself. Ya u r absolutely right. Iam the Goddamned Loser.If you are reading this by chance blame it on the first person u saw this morning and if it is by ur choice then I welcome you to the world of my Loser.
PPPS: If any of u ppl havent read five point someone or seen taare zameen par pls do those two favours to yourself..
I donno how many of you are waiting for the Loser to rant again i for one certainly not lukin fwd for it....
Friday, April 25, 2008
weekend weakend
statutory warning: smoking is injurious to health and abt beer im not sure
"Five Hundred".
i was surprised at my own voice and the confidence with which those two words blurted out of my mouth. i was on teh verge of finishing my second beer of the day and the last gulp of it having a full toll on me. this thing was going on for the fourth time and i donno if i should stop. my inner voice told me to stop but after 2 fosters i guess ive gone deaf to my own self. i was banging my hand on the five hundred note just to give myself some more confidence or to see if i can scare the other guy outta his wits.
but heck!! if the guy was scared i dont hav any idea abt it atleast his face revealed nothing. he was smoking like a chimney and i had trouble reading his face which was impassive(carefully though) .im sure he was an expert in this game but all the same i was pretty confident with me having three queens in my left arm. the spade one dark and beautiful the hearts one sensuous and appealing and the diamond one is my all time favourite.
we both are too much into the game and i though it was a point of no return. with every moment the stakes were reaching sky high and tensions kept building on both sides.
"Belive me dude!! if im gonna get this we can drench ourselves in beer that my friend is a promise " i told my friend who was a silent witness to all the excitement.
"enuf is enuf" was his reply as always has been the case wid him
"goddamn loser" i scowled at him.
"in just a moment dude..just a moment. we'll get to know who the goddamned loser would be and if by any chance it happens to be you that wud be the moment im gonna say ADIOS AMIGO" he said and burst out into fits of laughter. for once i cant control myself doin the same.
once again it was my turn.
"Five Hundred again" I said this time it was a bit meek or i felt so i donno y
"well how about showing me the money??" He enquired
"How about showin some trust?" i retorted.
his lips twisted themselves into a slender curve from which smoke came out in viciious circles and i thought that it was his way of smiling in an extremely sarcastic manner
"I dont bliv ppl especially on the fourth week of any month" face once again impassive.
i muttered a curse and suppressed it under my breath. Hey!! he was well built man!!!!
so finally i have gone for it. i cannot contain myself and placed the three queens on teh table with a bang which i considered could have consumed the whole amount of food i ate during the entire week and the sound emanated from it might have stopped two or three hearts if the room is in the proximity of a hospital.
all these heroics failed to have any effect of any kind on him. he was just his usual self and for a change gave me a broader grin and thats it. he has driven the point home directly and all i can do was to curse myself for teh remaining week and hold my friend responsible for this whole thing ofcourse he isn't well built. but still some part of me told that this was all my dream and that he might be kidding me so i asked him to show him his cards and though i refused to believe he got himself three kings and the description of them would not be proper atleast to me at this point of time.
a dejected me was strolling back towards my room and woke up next morning to see my bank balance which read a paltry 297/-. i had a whole week ahead and seriously dont hav any idea wat to do for this weekend.so ive made some resolutions
1.i can go for shopping only to admire things but never to get my two hands out of my trouser pockets.
2.i can claim that bollywood films these days come with so much promise just in trailers but not in the actual content in them (this ofcourse was to do with me not goin to see TASHAN this weekend)
3.neva to trust women..(remember those three queens..errrr)
"Five Hundred".
i was surprised at my own voice and the confidence with which those two words blurted out of my mouth. i was on teh verge of finishing my second beer of the day and the last gulp of it having a full toll on me. this thing was going on for the fourth time and i donno if i should stop. my inner voice told me to stop but after 2 fosters i guess ive gone deaf to my own self. i was banging my hand on the five hundred note just to give myself some more confidence or to see if i can scare the other guy outta his wits.
but heck!! if the guy was scared i dont hav any idea abt it atleast his face revealed nothing. he was smoking like a chimney and i had trouble reading his face which was impassive(carefully though) .im sure he was an expert in this game but all the same i was pretty confident with me having three queens in my left arm. the spade one dark and beautiful the hearts one sensuous and appealing and the diamond one is my all time favourite.
we both are too much into the game and i though it was a point of no return. with every moment the stakes were reaching sky high and tensions kept building on both sides.
"Belive me dude!! if im gonna get this we can drench ourselves in beer that my friend is a promise " i told my friend who was a silent witness to all the excitement.
"enuf is enuf" was his reply as always has been the case wid him
"goddamn loser" i scowled at him.
"in just a moment dude..just a moment. we'll get to know who the goddamned loser would be and if by any chance it happens to be you that wud be the moment im gonna say ADIOS AMIGO" he said and burst out into fits of laughter. for once i cant control myself doin the same.
once again it was my turn.
"Five Hundred again" I said this time it was a bit meek or i felt so i donno y
"well how about showing me the money??" He enquired
"How about showin some trust?" i retorted.
his lips twisted themselves into a slender curve from which smoke came out in viciious circles and i thought that it was his way of smiling in an extremely sarcastic manner
"I dont bliv ppl especially on the fourth week of any month" face once again impassive.
i muttered a curse and suppressed it under my breath. Hey!! he was well built man!!!!
so finally i have gone for it. i cannot contain myself and placed the three queens on teh table with a bang which i considered could have consumed the whole amount of food i ate during the entire week and the sound emanated from it might have stopped two or three hearts if the room is in the proximity of a hospital.
all these heroics failed to have any effect of any kind on him. he was just his usual self and for a change gave me a broader grin and thats it. he has driven the point home directly and all i can do was to curse myself for teh remaining week and hold my friend responsible for this whole thing ofcourse he isn't well built. but still some part of me told that this was all my dream and that he might be kidding me so i asked him to show him his cards and though i refused to believe he got himself three kings and the description of them would not be proper atleast to me at this point of time.
a dejected me was strolling back towards my room and woke up next morning to see my bank balance which read a paltry 297/-. i had a whole week ahead and seriously dont hav any idea wat to do for this weekend.so ive made some resolutions
1.i can go for shopping only to admire things but never to get my two hands out of my trouser pockets.
2.i can claim that bollywood films these days come with so much promise just in trailers but not in the actual content in them (this ofcourse was to do with me not goin to see TASHAN this weekend)
3.neva to trust women..(remember those three queens..errrr)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
The Girl on the Train
....hehe guys ...i guess i had most of ur attention from the title....n abt da opp sex im not reallyu too sure....b4 goin any further let me inform u ppl dat all the characters and incidents mentioned here are perfectly real.....and coincidences if any u know....are always bound to happen....
..as my friend Mr.Chetan Bhagat says.....the girl on the train does not happen for u...it happens for the friend of ur friend or the guy on the last corner of ur street....but it certainly doesnot happen to u....(no sir it wont..)
for some reasons dat are not known even to me and are quite obvious to some guys ....im not goin to disclose the details of the train......ok here i go...the train started from Samalkot making its way to Chennai..i was in train for probably one half of my life and am used to boring journeys....n i promised myself dat dis is gonna be one more and i did not find any hope of bunking this one....i dint even hav reservation so i guess it cant get worse than this but thankfully there are not many in the train n so i settled in a seat preparing for the eternal journey...
...i was just trying to kill the time and then this happened..(ofcourse without a background score and flowers fluttering over her arrival.....dis is life dude...gotta take it dis way) i donno if gods were being unfairly reasonable witt me but i learnt dat even she was not havin a reservation....and so she came to the seat opposite to me....(hehe..yeah guys..dis was real)...she dint have a long floating hair..but i found it attractive all the same and cant take eyes away from her...she wore a chudidar which has a graceful mix of green and orange shades and i hav to confess here that orange colour on gals is simply irresistible to me..its one hell of a turn on..n then i smelled her perfume...god!!!these gals hav a knack of picking the best wen it comes to perfumes....da smell drove me absolutely crazy..and for a sec i cudnt believe dat all dis was happening to me....then she came and took her seat an my eyes cant help taking a luk at her watch..i donno if the watch brought her hand its beauty or its the other way but the combination was absolutely amazing...n she has the best manicured nails ive ever seen..infact i can go on forever describing her every minute accessory but i decided to dedicate an entire blog for it later...
i thot of calling some of my frns for getting tips on starting conversation but thought better of it.....i recalled some movies ...i remembered Okariki Okaru and Nee Manasu Naku Telusu....but those really appeared filmy...and no way i can start a conversation lik dat but i promised myself dat im not letting dis one go...:P
will continue it soon.....;);)
..as my friend Mr.Chetan Bhagat says.....the girl on the train does not happen for u...it happens for the friend of ur friend or the guy on the last corner of ur street....but it certainly doesnot happen to u....(no sir it wont..)
for some reasons dat are not known even to me and are quite obvious to some guys ....im not goin to disclose the details of the train......ok here i go...the train started from Samalkot making its way to Chennai..i was in train for probably one half of my life and am used to boring journeys....n i promised myself dat dis is gonna be one more and i did not find any hope of bunking this one....i dint even hav reservation so i guess it cant get worse than this but thankfully there are not many in the train n so i settled in a seat preparing for the eternal journey...
...i was just trying to kill the time and then this happened..(ofcourse without a background score and flowers fluttering over her arrival.....dis is life dude...gotta take it dis way) i donno if gods were being unfairly reasonable witt me but i learnt dat even she was not havin a reservation....and so she came to the seat opposite to me....(hehe..yeah guys..dis was real)...she dint have a long floating hair..but i found it attractive all the same and cant take eyes away from her...she wore a chudidar which has a graceful mix of green and orange shades and i hav to confess here that orange colour on gals is simply irresistible to me..its one hell of a turn on..n then i smelled her perfume...god!!!these gals hav a knack of picking the best wen it comes to perfumes....da smell drove me absolutely crazy..and for a sec i cudnt believe dat all dis was happening to me....then she came and took her seat an my eyes cant help taking a luk at her watch..i donno if the watch brought her hand its beauty or its the other way but the combination was absolutely amazing...n she has the best manicured nails ive ever seen..infact i can go on forever describing her every minute accessory but i decided to dedicate an entire blog for it later...
i thot of calling some of my frns for getting tips on starting conversation but thought better of it.....i recalled some movies ...i remembered Okariki Okaru and Nee Manasu Naku Telusu....but those really appeared filmy...and no way i can start a conversation lik dat but i promised myself dat im not letting dis one go...:P
will continue it soon.....;);)
Friday, November 9, 2007
....of cherishable memories....
"urey sarma!!!!!" a scream from my brother n i donno if it startled or frightened me....i gave him a look and asked him wat da matter was...he said in a tone which was a mix disappointment and disbelief..."dis time diwali is on sunday..."back then i dint show any expression coz i was da one who was supposed to be the one having a solution to my bro's so-called probs but now i confess......even dat came as a shock to me as we are not gonna get a holiday and also we have to go to school the very next day after diwali....but i was determined not to show dat on my face and gave a look of assurance and said "we are not gonna make that ruin our plans for dis diwali....and for god's sake dont ever mention dat again and let's enjoy...we've been waiting for this for 2 months..."
dis diwali gave me the fond memories when we were children and we used to wait for dis coveted festival with lot of enthusiasm....the wait for the festival used to be very long and we literally used to count the days to go for it which seemed to elude us for some two or three months every year.....our nights always had only one issue for conversation.....my bro used to say dat hes gonna start wid dis n procceed further with lots and lots of other stuff...i used to listen to him intently and suggest him various ways how bombs and other high sounding crackers can be fired with relative ease....the terrifeid luk on his face hearing the mention of bombs gave me a weird kinda feeeling and i used to feel like sum sort of knight in a battlefield...soon we would be allured into sleep....
not so soon but finally the day came....we were elated and cant stand on our feet...we pleaded,cried and even threatened to quit taking food coz my father and we were not on good terms for the amount to be spent for buying crackers...i even went to the extent of promising a first rank in halfearly examinations if he gave me the money which i asked him....i highly doubt if my father believed me then coz first rank was always a distant dream for me....witt some sorta support from amma we got the money and were ecstatic...we went out to purchase crackers....we thought that we had all the money in the world but that was not good enough for the vendors and we had to be content witt ourselves...
finally da night came.....amma was very busy with pooja..we were standing in the hall and kept all the crackers spread infronty of us...i took the initiative...started praising the crackers and estimated the height that would be attained by some of them wittout actually firing them.....we cannot wait till amma completes her pooja...my bro was given the duty to check and provide the updates of her pooja...he came back and gave us a luk which now reminds me of the luk sachin tendulkar gave on reaching 35th century in test cricket...
he was animated and was jumping witt joy and told dat it was finally harathi time......we were given sweets after dat but none of us were really interested in them and we cannot wait to start the explosive,bright and colorful action......
next 45 or 60 minutes would be absolute fun....no one of us kept track of time but then its the greatest advantage being a kid...u need not keep track of time...we used to burn each and every remain of the crackers and by the end of them we all made some sorta grim luking faces...we cant believe that diwali was finally over and it will take one more year to actually relive diwali...my parents had to drag us back into house witt occassional man-handling...we had to come back reluctantly though.....we were offered food but no one of us were really interested we were very dull and cannot help thinking why diwali comes only once in a year....
"wen i grow up i will buy 100 crackers of each and every type...."was my statement as soon as we got to bed....
"add a 10 video-games to that list" tipped my bro....
"are u kinda crazy.....how on earth can a man survive without a video-game.....no need to say abt dat....." was my answer...
"now go to sleep or else we'll be late to school tomm" my elder bro said.....
"urey sarma!!!!!" one more scream....
"no ....not again.. im not coming to drive that lizard away...u have come to 4th class now and u need to learn how to deal wid them...."
"no...im afraid its not a lizard annayya.....its something worse than that....."
"wats dat????"
"i dint finish my home work"...he started sobbing heavily....i felt bad but can i do sumthin abt dat.....no certainly not then....
"annayya!!! its girija madam....u know she gives us a hard time weneva we dont do our homework....."tears flowing onto his cheeks now....
"oh! stop it....dat u shud've thot of on friday...now wat can i do...u know very well dat im not the principal of our school to giv u mercy..."
did i sound rude....i donno but my bro thot so.....
"chi...im not gonna talk witt u again"
the next morning we had to go to school...it took us every ounce of our will power to get ready to school....we were walking our way to school reminscing the previous night....i strongly felt that a law should be brought which enforces schools to give a holiday the very next day after diwali...we were joined by our friends...grimace finding its place on each one of their faces...i shared my idea of a holiday after diwali with them...one of them was very excited...he said that he would contest as a politician and all of us decided that we are gonna make him prime minister for kakinada...and hes gonna declare holiday the day after diwali every year so that the kids of the coming generations won't suffer like us......wid dat thot firmly registered in our minds we stepped in our school on that monday morning....:((
dis diwali gave me the fond memories when we were children and we used to wait for dis coveted festival with lot of enthusiasm....the wait for the festival used to be very long and we literally used to count the days to go for it which seemed to elude us for some two or three months every year.....our nights always had only one issue for conversation.....my bro used to say dat hes gonna start wid dis n procceed further with lots and lots of other stuff...i used to listen to him intently and suggest him various ways how bombs and other high sounding crackers can be fired with relative ease....the terrifeid luk on his face hearing the mention of bombs gave me a weird kinda feeeling and i used to feel like sum sort of knight in a battlefield...soon we would be allured into sleep....
not so soon but finally the day came....we were elated and cant stand on our feet...we pleaded,cried and even threatened to quit taking food coz my father and we were not on good terms for the amount to be spent for buying crackers...i even went to the extent of promising a first rank in halfearly examinations if he gave me the money which i asked him....i highly doubt if my father believed me then coz first rank was always a distant dream for me....witt some sorta support from amma we got the money and were ecstatic...we went out to purchase crackers....we thought that we had all the money in the world but that was not good enough for the vendors and we had to be content witt ourselves...
finally da night came.....amma was very busy with pooja..we were standing in the hall and kept all the crackers spread infronty of us...i took the initiative...started praising the crackers and estimated the height that would be attained by some of them wittout actually firing them.....we cannot wait till amma completes her pooja...my bro was given the duty to check and provide the updates of her pooja...he came back and gave us a luk which now reminds me of the luk sachin tendulkar gave on reaching 35th century in test cricket...
he was animated and was jumping witt joy and told dat it was finally harathi time......we were given sweets after dat but none of us were really interested in them and we cannot wait to start the explosive,bright and colorful action......
next 45 or 60 minutes would be absolute fun....no one of us kept track of time but then its the greatest advantage being a kid...u need not keep track of time...we used to burn each and every remain of the crackers and by the end of them we all made some sorta grim luking faces...we cant believe that diwali was finally over and it will take one more year to actually relive diwali...my parents had to drag us back into house witt occassional man-handling...we had to come back reluctantly though.....we were offered food but no one of us were really interested we were very dull and cannot help thinking why diwali comes only once in a year....
"wen i grow up i will buy 100 crackers of each and every type...."was my statement as soon as we got to bed....
"add a 10 video-games to that list" tipped my bro....
"are u kinda crazy.....how on earth can a man survive without a video-game.....no need to say abt dat....." was my answer...
"now go to sleep or else we'll be late to school tomm" my elder bro said.....
"urey sarma!!!!!" one more scream....
"no ....not again.. im not coming to drive that lizard away...u have come to 4th class now and u need to learn how to deal wid them...."
"no...im afraid its not a lizard annayya.....its something worse than that....."
"wats dat????"
"i dint finish my home work"...he started sobbing heavily....i felt bad but can i do sumthin abt dat.....no certainly not then....
"annayya!!! its girija madam....u know she gives us a hard time weneva we dont do our homework....."tears flowing onto his cheeks now....
"oh! stop it....dat u shud've thot of on friday...now wat can i do...u know very well dat im not the principal of our school to giv u mercy..."
did i sound rude....i donno but my bro thot so.....
"chi...im not gonna talk witt u again"
the next morning we had to go to school...it took us every ounce of our will power to get ready to school....we were walking our way to school reminscing the previous night....i strongly felt that a law should be brought which enforces schools to give a holiday the very next day after diwali...we were joined by our friends...grimace finding its place on each one of their faces...i shared my idea of a holiday after diwali with them...one of them was very excited...he said that he would contest as a politician and all of us decided that we are gonna make him prime minister for kakinada...and hes gonna declare holiday the day after diwali every year so that the kids of the coming generations won't suffer like us......wid dat thot firmly registered in our minds we stepped in our school on that monday morning....:((
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