...one hell of a night......

i was alone......its not dat i wasn't alone before or im not used to be alone but still dat night was a weird experience.....i spent the whole day wid TV got fed up wid it.....and then i did the thing which i had restrained myself for some days then...

dis is the 1st thing dat comes to my mind and i cant stay away from it....though it hurts me i dont care for the pleasure it wud giv to me.....it wasn't supposed to be a dark secret but its irrelevant all da same ....

"ive never felt so much pain in my life" would not be a legally correct phrase coz i dont remember my life to its entireity.....but certainly the pain was excruciating...i wanted to shut my system down but cudn't do it and its hurting terribly.....i was feeling like some one held my heart in his hand and gently squeezing it...i cudnt stand it....i cudnt face the light...i switched off all da lights and i felt like i was falling into an enormous chasm..i got out of the room n i went upstairs.....i dont remember how da weather was at dat time but it was certainly not pleasing for me...

i donno y but nothing seemed to soothe me....my legs started to tremble lik that was their sole purpose of existence......i didnt hav any idea how to stop them...i sat in a corner and closed my eyes and started to think abt nothing.....but i cudnt do dat....thots never left me and they haunted me....i decided to walk but to my horror i discovered dat i was unable to stand...my legs were not supporting me.....i felt dat some of the bones of my leg were missing....i made a desperate attempt to stand but with little success...finally i stood up for a fleeting instant and the next moment i was on ground and my knees pained.....

i wanted some one to talk to and reached for my mobile.....but fuck!!! none of my frns were reachable....so i gave up....i decided to cry...all these time i fought hard to control the rolling of my tears but now i cudnt help crying.....and believe me it felt so good crying....i cried like anything and it started to feel better....tears came from everywhere...eyes,nose and god knows what......i did not make any effort to stop myself ffrom crying....infact if i remember exactly not only was i shedding tears but also i was vociferous....finally i was drained out of tears...i felt weak ...i did not wish to go inside the house but i was feeling exhausted and extremely hungry....

i went in and had thums up and came back upstairs....once again thoughts,pain,tears and the next thing i remember was the ringing of my cell fone....

"how are you?"

"im fine"Goddamn it..."im fine"

....ek meethi si love story......

i started talking with her,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

she might hav felt sorry for me and then

she started talking with me,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

but i cant resist talking with her so


i started talking with her again,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

she missed someone which wasn't me. she wanted someone to talk to and hence

she started talking with me,
i liked talking with her,
may be she liked it too.
i loved talking with her,
may be she loved it too.
she stopped talking with me.

i missed her so much and then again on a fine day

i started talking with her,
we liked talking with each other,
we loved talking with each other,
we stopped talking with each other.

may be she missed me too so the next day

she started talking with me,
i liked her, may be she liked me too.
i loved her, may be she loved me too.
she stopped talking with me for the final last time.

we are not talking with each other and im waiting for a tomorrow which i know dat would never come.....