In some parts of the world where people clad in formals listen to endless telephone conversations helping foreigners in their business Fridays are a boon and if that is the last day of the month it cant get any better coz u have got your salary and are looking forward to spend a laidback weekend. It was one of those Fridays which I always expect each day to be and I was grinning happily looking at the SMS sent by the bank confirming that my salary was credited. My happiness never lasts long and this time its no different and soon I got a call from Loser.
"Dude I wanna meet you now" his voice was dumb as usual. I hated it and him for spoiling my mood.
"Cant you see?? I'm not getting paid for sitting idle all day and thinking shit like you. I have a fucking job and I can't meet you now" May be I was a bit too harsh on him but he dint care. He never cares abt my mood or wat I do.
"So how about making it tonight?" He asked.
"Like I have a choice" I murmured and hung up.
So that night at 10 PM we made ourselves comfortable on our couches with Antiquity Blue accompanying us. We both had it thrice that day and it was showing some effect on me. I was contemplating about the talk if I should initiate not that I had any interest but it was inevitable.
"Dude..Life sucks" He declared finally. I was happy dat he started talking coz the silence was getting to my nerve. I nodded my head in consensus. He was lost in his own thoughts and for a moment I thought that if he could be lost in his own thoughts why take the pain of calling me. May be that was the only reason I like to be with him coz he is vulnerable with me. He doesn't have any friends other than me and so I don't know how he would be with others but as far as I know he is the only person who consults me about his problems. I do have my share of them but I never discuss them with him just coz I feel that it'll make me weak in front of him and also I always thought that I will find someone better to share with, one thing he was sure that'd never happen.
"Wassamatter dude...Dont wanna confess?" I mocked him. One look at his eyes told me that he was attempting to be serious, lame attempt though I thought.
"Sometimes it happens in life that you never know what interests you anymore, the team which you cheer for always looses in the IPL, you have the most painful break-up of your life, no one cares a shit about you, and not even 360 ml of the most expensive scotch makes any fucking difference to the thoughts going on in your head." He spoke slowly and intensely and for a moment I thought he was in pain but I chose to ignore it coz he is a man and he for sure has to take care of himself and has to stop givin me shit coz I hav enuf of it in my mind. And secondly he is a guy. It's a different thing if it is a gal not that listening to their pains is any easy.
"It is amazing how things of little significance tend to piss you badly at these times, how different and blissful life used to be when we were kids and don't know a thing about how life would be or of course how it should be, how painful and vulnerable expectations of any sort can make you."
"Common man stop this coz this aint takin u anywhere" I wanted to scream but thot better of it coz I know that it's a waste of time and energy to talk things of sense to him at any point.
"Expectations. They make you feel like a piece of crap. Tell you what dude even though you feel that I am a piece of crap the realization of the fact is more painful than the fact itself." He is at his patronizing best and given half a chance I would run away from him and neva face him for my entire life.
"No man I neva thought of you in that way" I said placing my hand on his shoulder. This is an intelligent bastard I thought, making me say things which I would never say to him and I prayed for that goddamned scotch that he was drinking to have some effect on him so that he can doze off and spare me his loser statements.
"Take an advice dude. This is absolutely free. Life is a bitch and it sucks the moment you thought you have figured it out. Never love anyone more than yourself" offering me that gyan he dozed off.
Once again I was alone one thing which I was quite used to from long. I had a long night ahead and there is no whisky left.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
...not just another day.....
Train journeys can be the most boring things that can ever happen to you in ur life and especially if u dont have any of Chetan Bhagat's books wid u and no F(16-23)s in ur proximity there is every possibility of them bein a disaster. That night i was pretty relieved to get finally out of the Konark Express and swore that i would travel by air from the next time, a promise like all the ones i made and that wasn't likely to happen.
I got out of my compartment at 1:00 AM in the morning and for the first time i was in Pune. I donno if it was a usual night in Pune but i found it pleasant and different. i thought i would do well with a coffee but the funny thing wid coffee in indian railway stations is dat never do you get a coffee which tastes as a coffee unless it is some of those branded coffee shops where the coffee is called as Cappuccino and it costs somewhere around half the salary of a daily wage labourer. Sommetimes the sugar goes missing, sometimes its the milk and some other times it is the combination of two like sugar and milk or milk and coffee powder. Its amazing how the vendors come up with different combinations to prepare cofee and how conveniently they forget the correct mix.
After cribbing for five more minutes i settled for a coffee with all those qualities mentioned above. It tasted bitter and i wanted to get outta dat place and head towards my room. It was 1:15 AM and i knew that the auto drivers would deprive me of every single rupee i had in my wallet knowing well that i dont have nay other option. Man!! these auto drivers donot know the value of a Rupee. I stood there helplessly for some time coz i really dont have the amount which he asked me for. I thought to spend the night in the railway station and catch the bus next day morning.
I waited for some 30 minutes or so and there came a train from Banglore. A bunch of people got down from this one as well but only one girl caught my attention. She was alone and beautiful though i wasnt sure of the former or the later. She bargained wid the same auto driver and i stood there making ample use of this time to confirm my thought abt her bein beautiful. With her reaction it was quite obvious that even she wasnt pleased abt the fare. She stood at the same place and was waiting for another auto driver. Suddenly an idea struck in my mind as i wasnt short of ideas of this sort at any instant of my life. I saw myself in a mirror and immediately wished for a better look. I adjusted my hairstyle for the umpteenth time and with a lively grin(oh i considered it lively) went to her.
"Hmm..Tough time with drivers eh?" I said.
"They know that we dont hav much choice and i guess we know dat too...pretty tough" she said
"I have an idea. How much do you have?"
She did some math and said " One hundred and twenty five"
"I have a hundred and fifty five with me and that gives us two hundred and eighty rupees. I think we can get thru..wat say??" I waited anxiously for her reply.
She weighed the possibilities and thought for 30 seconds and flashed a smile.
Hmm..some night ..I thought. We bargained with another auto driver and finally struck a deal wid him for two hundred and sixty rupees and started walking towards the auto. She switched her bag twice on her shoulders and for a second i was tempted to offer her help but heck my luggage was too heavy for me. But the auto driver dutifully offered her the help and i doubt he would have made it if it were me. We made ourselves comfortable in the auto . it wasnt pretty cold outside and i thot may be the night was just about perfect. why not when u r wid a beautiful girl in an auto at 1:00 AM the night ought to be perfect right??
The first few minutes went away in silence. I glanced at her thrice before our eyes finally met. Once again a smile flashed on her face.
"U frm Banglore eh?" I said.
"yep" a monosyllable answer. Too bad for a start. Hmm...
"A software engineer right???"
"Yeah. How did you figure it out???". May be she was beginnin to get interested or it was too quick for me to get to a conclusion.
"Hmm..that is easy. If you are twenty something and from banglore there is a great chance that ppl think u r a software engineer" i said with a smile.
She smiled back and asked " What if Im twenty something and from Ahmedabad??"
"An aspiring business woman i guess though not pretty sure"
"Mumbai?"
"Model"
"And Hyderabad?"
"Love Failure."I said and she burst out into laughter and brushed aside a lock of her hair which was exactly the way great authors describe about their heroines. I neither possess the finesse nor the language to describe it better but i cannot refrain myself from sayin that it was a pleasing sight to watch and i thought of asking her to do that again but somehow thot better of it.
"So how long have you been in Pune?" I broke the silence coz it was too difficlut for me to stop talking.
"Uh..not so long.. well lets say 2 months dats it" she said obviously pleased for havin a conversation instead of dull and eery silence.
"U see movies??" I guess that was a dumb question but sometimes they are the ones that get animated responses.
"I used to see a lot of movies infact every one of them but now-a-days i dont get much time and the multiplexes dont show movies for the middle class".She said.
"So what abt ya?" she enquired.
"Im comin from Hyderabad" I said
"What do you do?"
"Im a Software Engineer too."
"Is it? You dont luk like one" She said and smiled. I was taken aback. I wouldn't have continued our chat if her smile wasn't so cute.
"As if you luk like one" I retorted.
"Oh really..Then how do i luk like?" she asked.
"Beautiful." I donno why i said that but that i mean she was indeed beautiful but my mentioning it kinda took her by suprise. There was an embarassing silence for the next few minutes. I donno what she thought while i was thinking of ways to convince my parents abt their possible daughter-in-law not knowin Telugu. Hmm..blame it on my thoughts or my age for i really dont care.
"Well that is the under statement of the year" she said. I donno if she took my compliment in a positive approach but she was certainly friendly.
We chatted for about another err..i donno the exact duration or the context but it was fun bein wid her. I thot of meeting her again cozz i know that this journey would end pretty soon. I dint want to be pushy or vulnerable and so weighed the possibilities for two full minutes. It was obvious that there was nothin to loose and so i gained some courage took a deep breath and said in a nonchalant tone
"Well there is this famous coffee shop around the corner of your office building and i heard ppl say dat it is one of those rare places where you can actually sit and have coffee ...." i donno whether my voice trailed off or if i was interrupted.
"Are you kinda asking me out?" She asked
"well to be frank yes.. i mean i enjoyed this journey and i feel dat we can know each other better..." i could have come up with one thousand dumber excuses if she dint stop me and luckily she did.
"I have busy schedules this week and the coming week. So how about the final saturday of this month?? Do ya have a credit card??" One more smile and i could have easily taken my credit card and given it to her. But sanity prevailed .
"So you were saying yes???" my logical mind refusing it every moment.
"Why is there some prob wid it?" She asked.
"Hmm..not really. Actually i hail from a place where they still consider it to be of western culture to see a guy and a gurl and dat too who donot have more than an overnight of friendship". Thankyou. No need to remind me Iam dumb.
"Planet Mars right?".She said raising an eyebrow.
"Similar to that" I added. We smiled in unison.
I got down and paid my share of the auto fare and started to relive the entire evening. i donno if iam waitning for the final saturday but at that momment that night seemed pleasant enuf to make the remaining week run well.
I got out of my compartment at 1:00 AM in the morning and for the first time i was in Pune. I donno if it was a usual night in Pune but i found it pleasant and different. i thought i would do well with a coffee but the funny thing wid coffee in indian railway stations is dat never do you get a coffee which tastes as a coffee unless it is some of those branded coffee shops where the coffee is called as Cappuccino and it costs somewhere around half the salary of a daily wage labourer. Sommetimes the sugar goes missing, sometimes its the milk and some other times it is the combination of two like sugar and milk or milk and coffee powder. Its amazing how the vendors come up with different combinations to prepare cofee and how conveniently they forget the correct mix.
After cribbing for five more minutes i settled for a coffee with all those qualities mentioned above. It tasted bitter and i wanted to get outta dat place and head towards my room. It was 1:15 AM and i knew that the auto drivers would deprive me of every single rupee i had in my wallet knowing well that i dont have nay other option. Man!! these auto drivers donot know the value of a Rupee. I stood there helplessly for some time coz i really dont have the amount which he asked me for. I thought to spend the night in the railway station and catch the bus next day morning.
I waited for some 30 minutes or so and there came a train from Banglore. A bunch of people got down from this one as well but only one girl caught my attention. She was alone and beautiful though i wasnt sure of the former or the later. She bargained wid the same auto driver and i stood there making ample use of this time to confirm my thought abt her bein beautiful. With her reaction it was quite obvious that even she wasnt pleased abt the fare. She stood at the same place and was waiting for another auto driver. Suddenly an idea struck in my mind as i wasnt short of ideas of this sort at any instant of my life. I saw myself in a mirror and immediately wished for a better look. I adjusted my hairstyle for the umpteenth time and with a lively grin(oh i considered it lively) went to her.
"Hmm..Tough time with drivers eh?" I said.
"They know that we dont hav much choice and i guess we know dat too...pretty tough" she said
"I have an idea. How much do you have?"
She did some math and said " One hundred and twenty five"
"I have a hundred and fifty five with me and that gives us two hundred and eighty rupees. I think we can get thru..wat say??" I waited anxiously for her reply.
She weighed the possibilities and thought for 30 seconds and flashed a smile.
Hmm..some night ..I thought. We bargained with another auto driver and finally struck a deal wid him for two hundred and sixty rupees and started walking towards the auto. She switched her bag twice on her shoulders and for a second i was tempted to offer her help but heck my luggage was too heavy for me. But the auto driver dutifully offered her the help and i doubt he would have made it if it were me. We made ourselves comfortable in the auto . it wasnt pretty cold outside and i thot may be the night was just about perfect. why not when u r wid a beautiful girl in an auto at 1:00 AM the night ought to be perfect right??
The first few minutes went away in silence. I glanced at her thrice before our eyes finally met. Once again a smile flashed on her face.
"U frm Banglore eh?" I said.
"yep" a monosyllable answer. Too bad for a start. Hmm...
"A software engineer right???"
"Yeah. How did you figure it out???". May be she was beginnin to get interested or it was too quick for me to get to a conclusion.
"Hmm..that is easy. If you are twenty something and from banglore there is a great chance that ppl think u r a software engineer" i said with a smile.
She smiled back and asked " What if Im twenty something and from Ahmedabad??"
"An aspiring business woman i guess though not pretty sure"
"Mumbai?"
"Model"
"And Hyderabad?"
"Love Failure."I said and she burst out into laughter and brushed aside a lock of her hair which was exactly the way great authors describe about their heroines. I neither possess the finesse nor the language to describe it better but i cannot refrain myself from sayin that it was a pleasing sight to watch and i thought of asking her to do that again but somehow thot better of it.
"So how long have you been in Pune?" I broke the silence coz it was too difficlut for me to stop talking.
"Uh..not so long.. well lets say 2 months dats it" she said obviously pleased for havin a conversation instead of dull and eery silence.
"U see movies??" I guess that was a dumb question but sometimes they are the ones that get animated responses.
"I used to see a lot of movies infact every one of them but now-a-days i dont get much time and the multiplexes dont show movies for the middle class".She said.
"So what abt ya?" she enquired.
"Im comin from Hyderabad" I said
"What do you do?"
"Im a Software Engineer too."
"Is it? You dont luk like one" She said and smiled. I was taken aback. I wouldn't have continued our chat if her smile wasn't so cute.
"As if you luk like one" I retorted.
"Oh really..Then how do i luk like?" she asked.
"Beautiful." I donno why i said that but that i mean she was indeed beautiful but my mentioning it kinda took her by suprise. There was an embarassing silence for the next few minutes. I donno what she thought while i was thinking of ways to convince my parents abt their possible daughter-in-law not knowin Telugu. Hmm..blame it on my thoughts or my age for i really dont care.
"Well that is the under statement of the year" she said. I donno if she took my compliment in a positive approach but she was certainly friendly.
We chatted for about another err..i donno the exact duration or the context but it was fun bein wid her. I thot of meeting her again cozz i know that this journey would end pretty soon. I dint want to be pushy or vulnerable and so weighed the possibilities for two full minutes. It was obvious that there was nothin to loose and so i gained some courage took a deep breath and said in a nonchalant tone
"Well there is this famous coffee shop around the corner of your office building and i heard ppl say dat it is one of those rare places where you can actually sit and have coffee ...." i donno whether my voice trailed off or if i was interrupted.
"Are you kinda asking me out?" She asked
"well to be frank yes.. i mean i enjoyed this journey and i feel dat we can know each other better..." i could have come up with one thousand dumber excuses if she dint stop me and luckily she did.
"I have busy schedules this week and the coming week. So how about the final saturday of this month?? Do ya have a credit card??" One more smile and i could have easily taken my credit card and given it to her. But sanity prevailed .
"So you were saying yes???" my logical mind refusing it every moment.
"Why is there some prob wid it?" She asked.
"Hmm..not really. Actually i hail from a place where they still consider it to be of western culture to see a guy and a gurl and dat too who donot have more than an overnight of friendship". Thankyou. No need to remind me Iam dumb.
"Planet Mars right?".She said raising an eyebrow.
"Similar to that" I added. We smiled in unison.
I got down and paid my share of the auto fare and started to relive the entire evening. i donno if iam waitning for the final saturday but at that momment that night seemed pleasant enuf to make the remaining week run well.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Loser and(in) Me
It was one of those many days when Loser was struggling to get outta his not-so-cozy bed, expecting his life to change without even opening his eyes in the faint hope that he would see somethin pleasant when he sees the light . If any of you guys even think of advising that things wont change by dreaming abt them i would advise you to shove that piece of info in ur ass if it fits in. Losers are made of those stuff. Soon Loser realises that everything was same as it always used to be.Ahh!!the reality..to hell with it. He tried to recollect a dream which he had last night but with little success.He flashed a smile which he considered to be sardonic and i donno if dat actually was a smile. Lemme tell you he sucks even while smiling.
It was a saturday morning and hes got nothing to do witt the weekend. So he preferred to lay some more time on his bed and resorted to his favourite pastime, looking back into his life for the umpteenth time. Now this is the thing which i can neva understand. As far as my knowledge goes with me bein wid him since his birth i neva came across an incident which was worth remembering once again in his life. An odd friend here, a so-called love there and some first day movies though im not sure if he thinks about them and some Karan-Joharish instances which only he finds interesting to reminsce. God!!!! he is a Loser.But still it amazes me how he spends so many hours lukin back into his life, i doubt if he has one.
I sat there lukin at him and he suddenly got this weird idea to write his heart out for which i kinda freaked out. Now i knew what he was leading to and i wished i wasnt there with him for any second of my life but then again i realised i was too much into dis to back away and the result is what you are seeing right now. I got myself the most coveted job on the planet and no one can ever dream to be at a place like me. These lines were ofcourse his'. Sometimes i really feel like showing him the direction to hell so that he can actually go there but there are times when i need him so that i can find comfort in our grief and solace in our loneliness. He has never came back to me begging how many ever times i left him coz he for sure knows that i was the one who always would be in need of someone. I wanted everything in my life and he knew that we(both) cannot get anything in our life. So i keep chasing and he keeps waiting. Soon i realise that his wait is better than my chase and he always welcomes me i guess reluctantly though.
So he cant write but he doesnt care. He can think and when i say he can think it means he can really think. Mannn!! those thoughts no one can ever beat him in his outright pessimism with a stupid grin etched all over his face( His face according to him is cute and i wish i can find someone in our 1.1Billion populated country to agree with him and ofcourse he doesn't care for my wish is a different thing altogether). And he expects me to write all those crazy stuff and i obliged him regretting it every second. Welcome to my life. It sucks , no doubt we are a pair. What i dont like in this whole thing is that his life is even worse and he doesnt care about it. He has no dreams, no passion, no friends except me and is lazy like i dont know the laziest animal but im sure he would surpass it in laziness.
I literally dragged him outta his bed after wat it seemed to be an eternity to me. He followed me and thanked me for accepting to write for him. I donno if he was genuine coz i dont have the ability to read ppl's mind and given a half chance i would run away from him and lukin into his face and tryin to read his mind according to me would be the best punishment for me in hell after my death.
PS: The whole thing of calling the protagonist a loser was inspired from Chetan Bhagat's FPS(Remember the Alok thing). Ya there are people who like those stuff and iam one of those.
PPS: This Loser was a hypothetical character or to be frank he was my own self projected by me in a different way. I call him the Loser coz i feel better criticizing someone then blaming it on myself. Ya u r absolutely right. Iam the Goddamned Loser.If you are reading this by chance blame it on the first person u saw this morning and if it is by ur choice then I welcome you to the world of my Loser.
PPPS: If any of u ppl havent read five point someone or seen taare zameen par pls do those two favours to yourself..
I donno how many of you are waiting for the Loser to rant again i for one certainly not lukin fwd for it....
It was a saturday morning and hes got nothing to do witt the weekend. So he preferred to lay some more time on his bed and resorted to his favourite pastime, looking back into his life for the umpteenth time. Now this is the thing which i can neva understand. As far as my knowledge goes with me bein wid him since his birth i neva came across an incident which was worth remembering once again in his life. An odd friend here, a so-called love there and some first day movies though im not sure if he thinks about them and some Karan-Joharish instances which only he finds interesting to reminsce. God!!!! he is a Loser.But still it amazes me how he spends so many hours lukin back into his life, i doubt if he has one.
I sat there lukin at him and he suddenly got this weird idea to write his heart out for which i kinda freaked out. Now i knew what he was leading to and i wished i wasnt there with him for any second of my life but then again i realised i was too much into dis to back away and the result is what you are seeing right now. I got myself the most coveted job on the planet and no one can ever dream to be at a place like me. These lines were ofcourse his'. Sometimes i really feel like showing him the direction to hell so that he can actually go there but there are times when i need him so that i can find comfort in our grief and solace in our loneliness. He has never came back to me begging how many ever times i left him coz he for sure knows that i was the one who always would be in need of someone. I wanted everything in my life and he knew that we(both) cannot get anything in our life. So i keep chasing and he keeps waiting. Soon i realise that his wait is better than my chase and he always welcomes me i guess reluctantly though.
So he cant write but he doesnt care. He can think and when i say he can think it means he can really think. Mannn!! those thoughts no one can ever beat him in his outright pessimism with a stupid grin etched all over his face( His face according to him is cute and i wish i can find someone in our 1.1Billion populated country to agree with him and ofcourse he doesn't care for my wish is a different thing altogether). And he expects me to write all those crazy stuff and i obliged him regretting it every second. Welcome to my life. It sucks , no doubt we are a pair. What i dont like in this whole thing is that his life is even worse and he doesnt care about it. He has no dreams, no passion, no friends except me and is lazy like i dont know the laziest animal but im sure he would surpass it in laziness.
I literally dragged him outta his bed after wat it seemed to be an eternity to me. He followed me and thanked me for accepting to write for him. I donno if he was genuine coz i dont have the ability to read ppl's mind and given a half chance i would run away from him and lukin into his face and tryin to read his mind according to me would be the best punishment for me in hell after my death.
PS: The whole thing of calling the protagonist a loser was inspired from Chetan Bhagat's FPS(Remember the Alok thing). Ya there are people who like those stuff and iam one of those.
PPS: This Loser was a hypothetical character or to be frank he was my own self projected by me in a different way. I call him the Loser coz i feel better criticizing someone then blaming it on myself. Ya u r absolutely right. Iam the Goddamned Loser.If you are reading this by chance blame it on the first person u saw this morning and if it is by ur choice then I welcome you to the world of my Loser.
PPPS: If any of u ppl havent read five point someone or seen taare zameen par pls do those two favours to yourself..
I donno how many of you are waiting for the Loser to rant again i for one certainly not lukin fwd for it....
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