da much needed break

thank god finally i got da much needed break......i got away from da virtual (orkut) world n stepped into da real world.....all da relationships are real dis time...it didnt take longer durations to get on wid ppl...these r da people whom i know very well n those who know me very well ...so there is not much communication gap.....my home has always been a distant heaven...as long as im in allahabad...n dis tym i missed it so much....actually i was longing to go to my home dis tym..n i donno y...da same nescafe which seemed devoid of any taste felt refreshing n da monotonic masala dosa was marvellous dis tym....n soon i came to know da diff betn da tastes....im not sure of da amount of food im consuming or da taste of it but everything i ate was exquisite..be it from my mom or 4m outside......i started to know da other(real) side of my life...life from an entirely different perspective....my house was filled wid relatives ....they came from faroff places n v had gr8 time together....everybody was concerned about me...n they neva let me do da least errand....my bros n sis's are busy either praisin or pullin my leg....actually i was not sure which one they r upto...but it is certainly a great feelin to know dat ur near ones have a gud feeling abt u......n i blushed frequently....i was out of words most of da time...which doesnt happen wid me normally.....neva in my mind it occured dat i was tryin to impress or convince someone.....they all know me ....n da feelin is gr8...except for a certain person and a couple of occassions in which i was alone orkut n chattin was definitely outta my mind..n im greatful for dat.....i donno for how long dis feeling persists but it certainly is a much needed break n im in it now n njoin it thoroughly.....

sada kush raho...:)

itz my life

FUNNY are those days when my brother n me used to have a dispute about which party to vote for the coming elections at the age of 8 n 10 respectively....we used to have opinions about legends like NTR n Rajiv Gandhi at dat age.....those days in which we used to go to school in a rickshaw.my brother used to be the constant one to sit in the middle seat by alluring other members wid his stories related to mythology.........

JOYOUS are those days wen i was in school n participating for various stage shows,winning some 1 or 2 prizes in essay writing and scout campaigns....i realy dont remember them clearly but those vague images leave me wid some unknown feeling within.......those days when my mom gave 15 rupees to my aunt so dat she can give me 50 ps per day in evenings......

GRIM are those days when i missed my aunt very badly in the absence of my parents...n those days wen i thought dat my aunt will come back to me by resigning her job......
now i feel stupid dat i had contempt for my father who woke me up every morning to train me for exams.....now i recognise dat his efforts are highly responsible for my position as of now......i love you dad......n if possible forgive me for my admonishings which seem very silly and childish to me now......

STRENUOUS are those days wen i was in interimediate wen mathematics seemed to be the religion wherever i go......n those weird chemistry equations gave me nightmares.....n physics was definitely out of my reach despite my (not so sincere) attempts....

COOL are the days after the completion of EAMCET n joinin ENGG..those test matches played by my friends..the movies ive seen widout my parents' knowledge.....(atleast i thought so)......

VALUABLE are those early days of engineering wen i stepped into the real world....the homesickness i faced ......those raggingss by seniors wid me resorting to cry with each n every question.......the advice giiven by my seniors to be tough in life n not to waste valuable tears.....those C and Engineering Drawing classes which seemed to last more than eternity.......
PAINFUL is dat day wen i faced the first failure in my life(Engg Geology).......those tears never seemed to stop at all.....n those summer holidays which i spent entirely in my home without goin out.....

MEMORABLE r those days of engg starting from second year second semester from where my transformation from a boy to a guy had started......those adoloscent chattings wid foreigners in internet....the time i used to spend everyday in front of mirror....the arguments with my dad about the importance of wearing jeans by a youth in an engg colg....the days when we felt on top of the world after coming from a movie on its date of release.....the pride which we used to feel wen asked abt the talk of a prominent hero's latest movie outside its theater on the same day of its release....those three days wen we bunked da colg just coz of not goin to a movie on its first day.....those nightout stands before the exams....the friendships shared between us......those parties where every rich seemed so little infront of our happiness......

EMBARASSING are those incidents wen i followed my first crush wherever she went.......n seemed so dumb infront of her....those days wen i used to have number of rounds around her room just to get a glimpse of her for a fleeting instant.....the day wen i sent her a friend request n it got denied(yahoo messenger).....the cold fury on myself for getting carried away......

HORRIBLE is da day wen i thought of commiting a suicide after knowing dat ive not qualified in GATE exam.....dat is one of those rare occassions where i felt the pain within.......

NOSTALGAIC is da day wen our classmates planned a picnic to the nearby beach.......everybody seemed so wonderful,caring,concerned about each and every other person.....the same gal on whom i had my first crush came to me....n asked me for a walk....dat certainly was a WALK TO REMEMBER.....dat seemed like a split second to me....but dat night my legs were aching like hell ascertaining the fact dat we walked a very long distance......

WEIRD r those days wen i used to work for a company.....immediately after the completion of my engg....those long hours of work used to drain every bit of my energy.....those journeys ive encountered to reach allahabad n acquire an MTECH seat here.......those travels,food n other things which i have not faced till then......

DULL are those initial days in allahabad wen all of our frens seem to have many problems arising from food and language.....we seemed to be out of place.....evry other day palnning to escape .......gradually we got used to it n we found da life fascinating.......

DELIGHTFUL is dis summer which i spent in hyderabad.....me exploring da city wid my closest buddy....i had money dis time n spent it luxuriously......those C language coaching classes which i used as a reason for my bein in hyderabad widout goin home.......but thank god my frens had other thoughts abt my visit there......everyone except me were convinced dat im in da city for a reason.....i learnt few things dat r quite helpful in acquiring a job......

THRILLING are those days after my campus placement with me devoting most of my time to orkut n gettin acquainted with new friends(mostly gals).......

UNFORGETTABLE is da experience i had in front of the TAJ........nothing can match the TAJ.....

FINALLY throughout my life my introspection has developed enormously.......such dat sometimes i feel dat ive gone mad .......but dis is my life...n i gotta lead dis one wid luv n am committed to do dat...

sada kush raho...:)

Life at 21

well I had this habit of bloggin n also deletin them though im not sure wat makes me delete them...well now wat of now....y am i resumin dis...da reason is obvious ...ive been thru a blog today...n so i thot dat it'd be better if i had one...n i think dat im not so bad at writin n thinkin....so wat else do i hav to wait for.....dis has been goin in my life so far...the change of opinions...jus now saw someone sayin dat ar rehman is god.....thot to myself..is really rehman god of music...damn dat..i really started believin dat rehman is god....coz ive already filled my fav music column in orkut wid da phrase REHMAN IS GOD......

n der is more.....some say dat they njoy company of their frns...i hear to them..n start towards my frns in da
anticipation of njoyment but cant find it.....n then some others say dat life is so gr8 thru a window.....so i start towards my window......n fuck myself over there for hours.....but cant get the so called enjoyment......dis is wat happens to me for most of the time....i get carried away by thoughts of others .....so terribly ....even i started dis bloggin for dat matter....is it so gud a feelin wen someone praises ur blog....or someone criticises it....so i thot to hav dat feel.....coz i was neva lucky in dis regard coz im a guy.....n who da hell cares to leave a comment in a guy's godddamned blog....they hav betta thins to attend.....but im an optimist in dis issue mind u only in dis particular thing.....so i started it all over again....now im determined to get a comment or two 4 each n every post ...no matter the amnt of advertising skills it requires...

i donno if it is positive thinking or negative thinking.....n giv a break guys....i dont think there is sumthing lik + thinkin or _ thinkin......there are no sides to life..neither the positive nor the negative.....there is just life....n u gotta take it as it comes...dont bother abt da side of it.....well so much of this idealistic preachin stuff.....

well so gettin to da pt now...life at 21...my life at 21 neva really rocked or sucked.....it went on and on and on.....n it neva is steady....lot of things happened....in this particular year....i cried,enjoyed,moaned,loathed,n wat not ive done
evrything this year....da most happenin yr of my lifetime....n yet da most boring one....daily routine is da same from jan 1st to dec 31st barrin some moments in hyd in summer n a tour of delhi agra n jaipur......gettin up at say 10 or 11 on avge....sumtimes it went beyond 12 noon.....not havin anythin till lunch...or further till dinner....fud neva was my
priority....n then my college really sucks....god knows wat prompted me into this fuckin PG....but then did i hav a
choice....no immediate job after my tech....how am i supposed to be witt frns or other family mems widout any valid thing to do...i just cant face them doin nuttin...whole world expects u to do sumthin or other even if dat isnt their business...they tend to make it theirs....so u gotta do sumthin or other...if u ought to satisfy them if not urself....so got into dis mess...called da post graduate studies...n im nowhere close to bein gud at dat.....my studies n CGPA were not so bad.....but i know da real stuff within me....i donot deserve all these things...but they kept cumin to me...as is da case wid them always....n dis tym i got lucky wid da job as well....for dat matter im a post graduate man...common....i deserve a job n i think so....dont ya think so...neva mind....i dont really care abt ur thinkin anymore....ive come outta all those thins now.....n my diary read da same old shit every day......which is not da case wid it for any of my previous years.....i got fed up writin my diary which doesnot happen to many...i skipped sumtyms...not jus bcoz of da laziness....but also due to da fact dat nuttin really happened in my life dat deserved a mention in my diary......

n towards da end of the yr...ORKUTTING(or as my anonymous frnd said SPYING)...became my alltime fav timepass....days n weeks passed by....wid dat..n i didnt hav da remotest idea of wat is goin on in this world.....i lost in da world of scraps,testimonials,crushes,smileys,n a whole lot of shit......even if i started to take a break it neva really left me....all my frns are into it ....ya dey r really into it...everyone is busy wid yahoo messenger,googletalk,or sumother shit......airtel hutch reliance....n god i cant go into all those...so once again i thought to find solace in them....coz they seem to rule......n i hav nuttin more interestin thin to pursue.....n my thesis work neva really interested me...coz im not passionate abt dat....n then came my birthday......my life as a 21 yr old guy ended....im into 22...but nuthin happened once again.....days r leavin me but their impressions....where r da impressions of da past days.....phew...i cant find them.....well lets c wat dis yr has in store 4 me.....

sada kush raho...:)