The Girl on the Train

....hehe guys ...i guess i had most of ur attention from the title....n abt da opp sex im not reallyu too sure....b4 goin any further let me inform u ppl dat all the characters and incidents mentioned here are perfectly real.....and coincidences if any u know....are always bound to happen....

..as my friend Mr.Chetan Bhagat says.....the girl on the train does not happen for u...it happens for the friend of ur friend or the guy on the last corner of ur street....but it certainly doesnot happen to u....(no sir it wont..)

for some reasons dat are not known even to me and are quite obvious to some guys ....im not goin to disclose the details of the train......ok here i go...the train started from Samalkot making its way to Chennai..i was in train for probably one half of my life and am used to boring journeys....n i promised myself dat dis is gonna be one more and i did not find any hope of bunking this one....i dint even hav reservation so i guess it cant get worse than this but thankfully there are not many in the train n so i settled in a seat preparing for the eternal journey...

...i was just trying to kill the time and then this happened..(ofcourse without a background score and flowers fluttering over her arrival.....dis is life dude...gotta take it dis way) i donno if gods were being unfairly reasonable witt me but i learnt dat even she was not havin a reservation....and so she came to the seat opposite to me....(hehe..yeah guys..dis was real)...she dint have a long floating hair..but i found it attractive all the same and cant take eyes away from her...she wore a chudidar which has a graceful mix of green and orange shades and i hav to confess here that orange colour on gals is simply irresistible to me..its one hell of a turn on..n then i smelled her perfume...god!!!these gals hav a knack of picking the best wen it comes to perfumes....da smell drove me absolutely crazy..and for a sec i cudnt believe dat all dis was happening to me....then she came and took her seat an my eyes cant help taking a luk at her watch..i donno if the watch brought her hand its beauty or its the other way but the combination was absolutely amazing...n she has the best manicured nails ive ever seen..infact i can go on forever describing her every minute accessory but i decided to dedicate an entire blog for it later...

i thot of calling some of my frns for getting tips on starting conversation but thought better of it.....i recalled some movies ...i remembered Okariki Okaru and Nee Manasu Naku Telusu....but those really appeared filmy...and no way i can start a conversation lik dat but i promised myself dat im not letting dis one go...:P


will continue it soon.....;);)

....of cherishable memories....

"urey sarma!!!!!" a scream from my brother n i donno if it startled or frightened me....i gave him a look and asked him wat da matter was...he said in a tone which was a mix disappointment and disbelief..."dis time diwali is on sunday..."back then i dint show any expression coz i was da one who was supposed to be the one having a solution to my bro's so-called probs but now i confess......even dat came as a shock to me as we are not gonna get a holiday and also we have to go to school the very next day after diwali....but i was determined not to show dat on my face and gave a look of assurance and said "we are not gonna make that ruin our plans for dis diwali....and for god's sake dont ever mention dat again and let's enjoy...we've been waiting for this for 2 months..."


dis diwali gave me the fond memories when we were children and we used to wait for dis coveted festival with lot of enthusiasm....the wait for the festival used to be very long and we literally used to count the days to go for it which seemed to elude us for some two or three months every year.....our nights always had only one issue for conversation.....my bro used to say dat hes gonna start wid dis n procceed further with lots and lots of other stuff...i used to listen to him intently and suggest him various ways how bombs and other high sounding crackers can be fired with relative ease....the terrifeid luk on his face hearing the mention of bombs gave me a weird kinda feeeling and i used to feel like sum sort of knight in a battlefield...soon we would be allured into sleep....


not so soon but finally the day came....we were elated and cant stand on our feet...we pleaded,cried and even threatened to quit taking food coz my father and we were not on good terms for the amount to be spent for buying crackers...i even went to the extent of promising a first rank in halfearly examinations if he gave me the money which i asked him....i highly doubt if my father believed me then coz first rank was always a distant dream for me....witt some sorta support from amma we got the money and were ecstatic...we went out to purchase crackers....we thought that we had all the money in the world but that was not good enough for the vendors and we had to be content witt ourselves...


finally da night came.....amma was very busy with pooja..we were standing in the hall and kept all the crackers spread infronty of us...i took the initiative...started praising the crackers and estimated the height that would be attained by some of them wittout actually firing them.....we cannot wait till amma completes her pooja...my bro was given the duty to check and provide the updates of her pooja...he came back and gave us a luk which now reminds me of the luk sachin tendulkar gave on reaching 35th century in test cricket...
he was animated and was jumping witt joy and told dat it was finally harathi time......we were given sweets after dat but none of us were really interested in them and we cannot wait to start the explosive,bright and colorful action......


next 45 or 60 minutes would be absolute fun....no one of us kept track of time but then its the greatest advantage being a kid...u need not keep track of time...we used to burn each and every remain of the crackers and by the end of them we all made some sorta grim luking faces...we cant believe that diwali was finally over and it will take one more year to actually relive diwali...my parents had to drag us back into house witt occassional man-handling...we had to come back reluctantly though.....we were offered food but no one of us were really interested we were very dull and cannot help thinking why diwali comes only once in a year....


"wen i grow up i will buy 100 crackers of each and every type...."was my statement as soon as we got to bed....

"add a 10 video-games to that list" tipped my bro....

"are u kinda crazy.....how on earth can a man survive without a video-game.....no need to say abt dat....." was my answer...

"now go to sleep or else we'll be late to school tomm" my elder bro said.....

"urey sarma!!!!!" one more scream....

"no ....not again.. im not coming to drive that lizard away...u have come to 4th class now and u need to learn how to deal wid them...."

"no...im afraid its not a lizard annayya.....its something worse than that....."

"wats dat????"

"i dint finish my home work"...he started sobbing heavily....i felt bad but can i do sumthin abt dat.....no certainly not then....

"annayya!!! its girija madam....u know she gives us a hard time weneva we dont do our homework....."tears flowing onto his cheeks now....

"oh! stop it....dat u shud've thot of on friday...now wat can i do...u know very well dat im not the principal of our school to giv u mercy..."

did i sound rude....i donno but my bro thot so.....

"chi...im not gonna talk witt u again"


the next morning we had to go to school...it took us every ounce of our will power to get ready to school....we were walking our way to school reminscing the previous night....i strongly felt that a law should be brought which enforces schools to give a holiday the very next day after diwali...we were joined by our friends...grimace finding its place on each one of their faces...i shared my idea of a holiday after diwali with them...one of them was very excited...he said that he would contest as a politician and all of us decided that we are gonna make him prime minister for kakinada...and hes gonna declare holiday the day after diwali every year so that the kids of the coming generations won't suffer like us......wid dat thot firmly registered in our minds we stepped in our school on that monday morning....:((

...an ELT day.....

......uff probably dis is it ...oh no may be not.....i guess.....i was lik....got it !!!dis is da prob i face wen eva i start to blog...i have 1,12,134 ideas in my head but i donno how and where to start.....but one thng im quite sure abt is dat im writing a blog today...come wat may...:P im not completely accustomed to these smileys and most often use the ones dat are used in yahoo messenger for im an avid fan of yahoo and orkut....


well....so monday morning....i never hated monday dis much....ofcourse i used to hate it wen i wasn in intermediate but i dont exactly remember if it was of the same fervour with which i hate it now......:P i had to get up at 6:15 (oh yeah..nagesh and rajesh dont roll ur eyes....dats my life ova here....and i seriously pray to god dat da same thing happens with u both as well ;)) so dat i can catch the bus which takes me to the dream of my brother (an IT company)..well i do love my mobile except for the only time it wakes me up in the morning....i feel like thrashing it against the wall but i always end up thinking better of it i donno y...or wait may be i kno y....it costs big money..:P then i think abt taking a hot water bath but then i succumb to 10 minutes of extra sleep and get content with cold water...i dont hav much time to select the shirt i wish to wear and see if i can polish my shoes....then i think of an excuse...whos gonna bother abt the terrible things dat are lying in the lowest part of me :D.....i guess dis ones becomin very lengthy.....



so then i get into da bus.....take the last seat and start thinking.....thinking why this goddamned bus should start so early....and da craziest thing is dat i knew da answer for dat and i still cant help thinking abt it......then comes the paper dats passed on by a fellow mate...dat contains signatures of us....why da hell dont i just sign it and giv it back.....why should i think abt my signature.....abt why my signature cant be more beautiful given the amnt of signatures i had to do.....da first time i signed on something was way back in my tenth class and at dat time i was so naive dat it never crossed my mind dat i must follow dis pattern for the entire life...had i known it then i would have practised a better signature but o boy can i change it now....i guess i cant...no no im sure i cant....:D..the thinking never ceases but the bus does....n i had to get down and head towards the calssrooms.....oh yeah once again its the classrooms...



2or 3 "good morning have a nice day"s frrom well dressed and equally well manicured four lettered mammals ;) (excuse me for my sense of humour dat may appear weird....but u cant expect much from a sw engr.....)n i suddenly feel dat im starting to hav a gr8 day :D...initially its da hands on session....even after two weeks of having it im not quite sure abt wat to do and wat not to do in dat....ohhh no lemme see ..i kno wat not to do in dat..i cant hav refreshments..i cannot listen songs...i should not be seen outside the class room.....and abt "to-do"s well i wasnt quite sure abt them at any pt of my life and dis time its no different...:P....and then its da expert lecture......donno wat made them call dat expert lecture but dat certainly was a lecture.....and i just wail out time in dat...not paying attention to wat da expert says abt da subject.....i occassionally make a note kinda thing but then again my thots get better of mer n saoon i wud be lost in another world......n da next thing i remember would be "any doubts" from da trainer....:P and he dares once again to ask dat if any of us doesnt follow anything we can actually ask to teach dat again......the times wen i open my mouth is to ask for a break or to tell the trainer dat i dont understand anything....well i wait for coffee breaks,lunch break and the final breakout for the day....i do something in betn which doesnot seem significant for me....and i dont hav any idea abt dat really but dats wat they call it training and wid all due respect to the trainers i too will call it training....da only thing i enjoy is da blogging(ofcourse im not sayinfg dat training is not fun).....and the thing that intrigues me most is da punctuation and the accuracy of spellings i see in these blogs which were quite different to what i used to see in the blogs outside....


i get back to the bus once again....occupy the same seat and start sleeping right away as if i worked my skin out the entire day......i asked one of my fellowmates to wake me up at my stop and she did it for me the first day and thot dat she's had enuf......and from the next day i used to get down some 3 or 4 blocks away from where i had too get down.....the driver would be impassive and it drives me crazy....y cant dat fellow let his face show some kind of expression....i ask him to stop for a moment and im not sure if he does dat coz he was supposed to do dat or due to some obstacle in da way.....but the thing is dat i get outta da bus and let out a sigh of relief......"DONE WID ONE MORE DAY" ...how many days still to get to friday and how many more days to go so dat i can get my salary:P


PS: for any of us who r still breaking their heads and having the tougherst time of their life time in figuring out wat an ELT means ......i have it for you...no need to google dat..its called Entry Level Training...:P

...one hell of a night......

i was alone......its not dat i wasn't alone before or im not used to be alone but still dat night was a weird experience.....i spent the whole day wid TV got fed up wid it.....and then i did the thing which i had restrained myself for some days then...

dis is the 1st thing dat comes to my mind and i cant stay away from it....though it hurts me i dont care for the pleasure it wud giv to me.....it wasn't supposed to be a dark secret but its irrelevant all da same ....

"ive never felt so much pain in my life" would not be a legally correct phrase coz i dont remember my life to its entireity.....but certainly the pain was excruciating...i wanted to shut my system down but cudn't do it and its hurting terribly.....i was feeling like some one held my heart in his hand and gently squeezing it...i cudnt stand it....i cudnt face the light...i switched off all da lights and i felt like i was falling into an enormous chasm..i got out of the room n i went upstairs.....i dont remember how da weather was at dat time but it was certainly not pleasing for me...

i donno y but nothing seemed to soothe me....my legs started to tremble lik that was their sole purpose of existence......i didnt hav any idea how to stop them...i sat in a corner and closed my eyes and started to think abt nothing.....but i cudnt do dat....thots never left me and they haunted me....i decided to walk but to my horror i discovered dat i was unable to stand...my legs were not supporting me.....i felt dat some of the bones of my leg were missing....i made a desperate attempt to stand but with little success...finally i stood up for a fleeting instant and the next moment i was on ground and my knees pained.....

i wanted some one to talk to and reached for my mobile.....but fuck!!! none of my frns were reachable....so i gave up....i decided to cry...all these time i fought hard to control the rolling of my tears but now i cudnt help crying.....and believe me it felt so good crying....i cried like anything and it started to feel better....tears came from everywhere...eyes,nose and god knows what......i did not make any effort to stop myself ffrom crying....infact if i remember exactly not only was i shedding tears but also i was vociferous....finally i was drained out of tears...i felt weak ...i did not wish to go inside the house but i was feeling exhausted and extremely hungry....

i went in and had thums up and came back upstairs....once again thoughts,pain,tears and the next thing i remember was the ringing of my cell fone....

"how are you?"

"im fine"Goddamn it..."im fine"

....ek meethi si love story......

i started talking with her,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

she might hav felt sorry for me and then

she started talking with me,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

but i cant resist talking with her so


i started talking with her again,
i liked talking with her,
i loved talking with her,
she stopped talking with me.

she missed someone which wasn't me. she wanted someone to talk to and hence

she started talking with me,
i liked talking with her,
may be she liked it too.
i loved talking with her,
may be she loved it too.
she stopped talking with me.

i missed her so much and then again on a fine day

i started talking with her,
we liked talking with each other,
we loved talking with each other,
we stopped talking with each other.

may be she missed me too so the next day

she started talking with me,
i liked her, may be she liked me too.
i loved her, may be she loved me too.
she stopped talking with me for the final last time.

we are not talking with each other and im waiting for a tomorrow which i know dat would never come.....

....da goddamned decision :P..........

...still at the pt of writin this blog im not sure wat prompted me to make a weird decision like dis but i liked the whole idea of leaving one of my favourite pastimes...i donno how far i can succeed in dis but this is extremely fascinating.....i regard dis one as the greatest tests of my life n im sure it'll require every ounce of my will power or may be a bit more than wat i actually have to make dis one a worthy decision....in any case im determined not to loose dis time....

im not goin into da details of dis decision as i have no intention to get into dat really n i guess it really doesn't matter much....im jus writin dis coz i cannot contain myself wid dis and i need to put it somewer and also to hav a better picture of my feelings wen dis decision was taken.....also after the end of the stipulated time period i wish to note the changes dat would be brought about in me......

i have not discussed dis wid anyone of my friends or well wishers...coz i really dint feel the need to... some of the guys readin dis may even feel dat im jus givin dis one a bit more drama than wat was required but i really cant help it....i still dont think dat dis decision would make me feel better and less guilty abt da way things hav gone dese days..but then again i feel dat dis is certainly worth givin a try...n moreover it doesnt involve anyone directly or indirectly so i dont hav to get permits from anyone...so im free to do dis n if it succeeds in making me feel less guilty..dat would be the best thing to happen to me...n i sincerely hope for dat to happen....n if it doesnt work i dont think i hav much to loose given the benefits which ill get if dis succeeds......

....wen my friend told abt dis idea for the first time i burst out laughing and told him dat no sane man in dis world would do dis.....but now i feel dat may be he has a point to make and here iam....set out to explore if dis works....well i guess der wont be much loss incurred in dis one so i cant see many obstacles for dis and started right away....so in da coming days ill know if it is possible to get better of ur guilty conscience with such an easy task.....given the task im upto and the purpose of it...it may be called as an easy task.....

.......patronizing pain......

.....recently i happend to go through "YOU CAN WIN" by Shiv Khera.. im not abt to review it though i think im gud at it[:p]..but the revealations hav been distasteful after reading da buk...it seemed like there was a characterstic described abt me in each n every page.....i felt dat each n every line abt the negative behaviour is directed at me....suddenly thins which i hadnt understood over da past yrs started to make sense in a painful way...i had trouble digesting some of da facts but they r facts all da same n i'd rather learn them better late than neva....all these days i had some bitter excuses which i made for myself abt da way my life has been...but now it became obvious to me dat i had a complaining attitude all these days.....i thot dat i was free of any attitude but ironically im havin da same attitude which i detested da most....i donno how i developed it but it is witt me....n bein a gud actor(ya dats wat i call myself...) i was able to manage all thru my life...

.....many thins dat happened off late combined with the recent recognitions made me even more boring.....they seem to affect me everyday....my subconscious mind was tuned for all these and i started loosin track of myself....i became less interesting for my friends n my conversations with them often seemed monotonic and artificial...my acknowledgements are not bein genuine and they were able to see me through....my smile appeared oddly out of place.....n all these things were painfully...(painfully with a capital p)obvious to me making it more difficult for me.....i was spending most of the time alone though i dint lik dat particularly...n i was not enjoying or for dat regard i was not living.....i donno wat im doin...not a thing was fascinatin me....im finishing books in no time but cant kill the time.....my mornings were dull, afternoons monotonic,evenings lonely n my nights were painful and sleepless....i wasnt at ease talkin to my friends even gals to which i was obsessed once.....i dint like the sound of my voice it seemed hollow and distant n everything i did seemed incomplete....i wanted to die but cant dare doing it....n its a hell of a task to commit a suicide.....though i dont have great expectations of myself somehow i cudnt take away my life....so as i always said im living coz ive nuttin better to do.....

.....allahabad zindabad or the allahabadi way of living my life.....

dis ones gonna be a lengthy one as it summarizes the life of a student (or i guess a "just-another-guy-in-a-million guy) for a span of two years...(20 or 30 days less but i guess dats not gonna make a big difference...)

im verymuch delighted to introduce myself as the protagonist(i know dat its exxaggeration
to the core but pls gimme a break....)....well the 2 years long, tiresome, boring but delightful n joyous ride started way back in 2005 on july 17th. dat day of my journey to allahabad in pursuit of a PG course dat was coveted to many students...but to me it was not a great thing as i knew dat my percentile was not good enough to get me to the PG studies....also i was not passionate abt my career from da beginning as i always said i do the things just because i dont have any other better things to do at that particular time n MTech is no difference to it....it just came my way n even after coming to the verge of completing it i dont think im an eligible candidate to recieve this degree.....

so lets cum bak to the main theme of dis post..describing two yrs of the life in an allahabadi(here they call it illahabadi) way....on the first day of my journey i was not quite sure if i was making the correct decision..i donno y but i missed my home teribly all of a sudden...tears started rolling my cheek for no apparent reason n i made no attempt to stop them...i donno if i was drained out of tears or sleep embraced me but the next thing i remember was my friend rajesh goin in search of something to eat....soon i joined him and met his frns krishna reddy n nagesh....we struck an instant rapport and the journey no longer felt boring.....

we got to allahabad n soon finished all the prerequisites for gettin admission into the college n we were immediately allocated rooms in C V Raman Hostel....i found an entirely new set of peopple who are different from all those whom ive been seein till then...i spent most of my time only with telugu people...but still could not identify myself as one among them....i was feeling totally out of place (later i came to know that most of my friends have felt the same way...)the transformations which we had to make to adapt to the circumstances seemed extremely irritating...n suddenly i got a feeling that i set out for a wild goose chase...we were served aaloo and roti 14 times a week...the transportation was always by means of a tempo which just had 4inches x 30 inches space to every single individual...and allahabad has the extremes for all the seasons...temperatures varied from 50C to 2C.....


seniors here in the college were very helpful with word and deed and life would not hav been remotely interesting if not for the friends i made in hostel....v came from different places n had different slangs..(some of them i dont even know that such slangs exist in telugu...) n v studied in different specializations...but v had only one thing in common..its da hatred towards allahabad...its dirty streets....roti,rajma n aaloo...college administrative building painted wid red pan....n hell of a lot of other things abt allahabad...occassionally we studied...n attended classes...da entire first year was filled with classes, assignments, internals, labs, cricket n not to forget goddamned aalooo...

soon we were in the second year of our course...i guess nothing about allahabad has changed in this year but it didnt luk dat boring then....we spent a good one month for our campus recruitment n it was gr8 fun...at dat time we got acquainted to orkut( may b a bit late but v made our presence felt afterwards :P)..all of us got placed...n this time allhabad was much more fun though it has very litle to offer....cricket and orkut ruled our time...der neva seemed any other activity for us...v orkutted days n nights away...der were occassional misunderstandings in cricket but overall all of us were pretty happy to have known each other n we shared a strong emotional bond.....da greatest thing ive learnt by
cumin to dis place is the importance of humanity and compassion towards our fellow beings....which was often done by my friends be it admitting bhaskar in hospital for his
operation and lukin after all his things....or the consoling words by rajesh n raju after i lost my infosys interview....helping out rajesh in completing his thesis by phani ,swami n raju...n all da times wid nagesh....der were innumerable incidents....i guess dats wat frns are der for...v can always count on them...


in 3 days im goin to submit my thesis....n no gifts for guessin dat even this work is also not passionate and dedicatred....it just cxame in my way and i had to do it...well no regrets watsoever....in about a week i would be leaving allahabad...but i cant forget it for the best and the worst things it has given me or done to me....allahabad gave me many things....friends, fun, memories, job, PG Degree, love, pain, grief, anguish..neva in my lie i had experienced these many emotions within a short span of time.....every emotion has been true n not even once was i faking them.....

finally friends i luv u all......widout u i cudnot ever dream of the present position that im enjoying...i know dat i did hurt some of u ppl on some occassions....n im terribly sorry for those things n i neva intended to take things in dat way...a big thnx to my professors who made it look easy for me in each and every phase of the two yearsw f academic career here in allahabad....n last but not the least and the most important one....ORKUT...well it rox for sure....

.......da same old shit but a new post..........

hi all...bak after sum time...feels gud to post sumthin finally..though it'd not be related to a serious issue compared to my previous posts...dis post is just to confirm da ppl who follow my blog (if der r any really..)dat ive not been to Charanpur all dese days(where net connnection is very weak for me to post in dis blog.....)i guess im not gud at jokes....excuse me for dat...

so cumin to da break..dis tym as usually my life neither rocked nor sulked..it stayed da way it used to be all these days..phew..period..cant help it..nuttin much happend..or i guess a lott thins happend...which changed da course of my life....but they neva r really significant for u ppl...

dese days im bein very much afraid to be myself...i donno y...no dat would be lying....i know y im afraid to be myself..coz if i start bein myself...a hell of a lota thins would happen which are very undesireable...all my frns who r wid me all dese days were wid me coz i had not been myself.....if they had known abt me...god only knows wat wud hav happened...i really don hav any idea...im witt frns most of da tym but i always wanted to be sum wer else i donno where...to hell wid these ideas...these neva leave me...especially wen i start writin sumthin....da first thin dat cums to my miind wud be abt my life....n i start braggin sum shit..

well so steppin into corporate world in 2 months tym....i seriously wish dat i shudn't hav any time to myself ova der...coz nowadays im havin too much time for everythin..includin me...dat gets to my head all day...n my thoughts neva miss da opportunity to bug me....so a break wud do me a lotta gud....goin to finish my masters within a month...cheers...im goin to be a master...neva thot so in my entire life....but u r not always sure wer u end up....take my word n neva let urself think so much abt urself....or else im sure ull end up writin a lengthier blog dan dis one....

sada kush raho...:)

....its time to show some passion......

....well da dream of indians winning 2007 WC ended in a disastrous way...afetr 15 yrs dis is da first time India were out of WC from 1st round itself....im sure Team India would b more disappointed than most of us...n they hav every reason to be.... grim looks of disbilief on da faces of our players were painfully obvious for most of the indian supporters on da day we lost miserably to Lankans...


n more painfully for them the whole nation which was so wonderfully gr8 to them all these days,started lookin at them indifferently....n criticism was at its peak from every part of the country...dis has been da problem wid us from da beginning....v know dat cricket is a religion not merely a game in our country....v luv our cricketers to such an extent dat v sometimes tend to forget dat they r human beings like us....

i guess v r bcumin mean 2wards dese people.....in a tym wen v hav tu stand for them v showed our backs to them n even v started blamin them....it is an unarguable fact dat our players are statistically,technically n commercially the best be it in any form of da game.....wait for a sec n think then ull knoe whom u r criticisin....Sachin Tendulkar(whom da whole world thinks as GOD of CRICKET)....Rahul Dravid...(extremely dependable in any circumstance...) Saurav Ganguly..(best captain till date for INDIA).....they played for da country infact served wud b da correct word....they r cause for lots of entertainment,unity,patriotism throughout da country wid their invaluable performances time and again........havent v all cheered for Sachin Tendulkar whe he hit dat 6 against Shoaib Akhtar at Centurion on March 1st 2003.......didnt he play for his country afta loosin his father in 1999 World Cup.....da match against Pakistan in Chennai in which he was struggling wid back pain n made a century.....doent dat reveal his passion....n Rahul Dravid....wat a player he is.....can anyone forget da 272 and 70 odd runs he made against Australia and helpin India to defeat Australia on their own soil(a rare feet whichj many teams cant even dream abt).....he neva got out of dat dress dat entire night....dat speaks volumes abt his passion towards da game.....Sourav Ganguly....wot a captain he has been for da team....his contributions to da team are highly responsible for emergin as a finalist in 2003 WC.....n here v r chanting slogans against them burinin thjeir effiges.....n all those weird things...

these people v had r da finest ambassadors of our country n their contributions for the development of da game r remarkable.....its high tym v develop some passion towards da game n giv them da deserved credit.....let us all celebrate da Maestry of Tendulkar...the Solidarity of Dravid and da Aggression of Ganguly.....losing in dis WC does not mean da end of cricket in India or da end of the careers of some people who r responsible for it....da team would be collectively responsible....its a time to retrospect da situation rather than blamin each other for wat has already happened.....i guess v indians hav dat capability to make wonders n v sure will....n wid our colective support da things wud fall into place quickly.....Team India v r wid u v luv u all......

sada kush raho...:)

....celebrating nishabd...

......at last i saw a muvee dat is quite unlik da stuff u get from bollywood...no gr8 songs in which da lead pair along wid some 15 mems of a family dance in a large mansion......no gr8 opening bang for a muvee but da background n music takes u right into da film...n there is AB's ever-enchanting voice if der r anyone still cumin into da theatre....

der is no gr8 starcast in dis film except da Big B(fcourse hez a legend...) n jiya khan(n her legs too)...n they make da film worthwhlie to watch.......not even once in da entire first half i had my attention diverted.....the lead pair(m not sure if i can call them dis).....had excelled in their roles wid subtle n matured performances....often conveyin da feel thru da expressions rather than optin for monotonic n lengthy dialogues.....neva had i seen a controlled performance from these bollywod actors n dis tym amitji steals da show a big tym....n jiya ..i think its a gr8 achievement for her to work alongside AB in her first film.....n shez da perfect choice exuding da perfect mixture of charm n childishness.....dat often takes AB by surprise....

n da most interestin part of da film are da songs sung by AB.....he sings twice in da film(jiya jale jaan chale....)...n both scenes r absolutely awesome......neva heard AB singin wid fervour n passion for singing.....n he did complete justice to his role as a playback singer too....u just cant listen only once to ROZAANA.....

comin to da technical aspects of da film....(i'd lik to share though m no expert at scrutinisin them)..... cinematography......da film is a visual treat literally.....blended wid perfect proportions of digital color mixing n makin da feel in da film obvious to viewers...Amit did a fantastic job....n i think it is in dis cinematography section our indians were amazing recently...(Guru,Omkara n RDB r da best examples....)

n music...here comes da best background score ive ever heard so far......so pertinent to the film....so cool....so serene....yet romantic....i always wondered about da phrase haunting music.....how music can be haunting....n dis film cleared me any doubts in dat regard.....da music is exquisite.....Amar Mohile is remarkable in setting da tone right for a misty background....n i started hummin frequently da tunes ..........specially da music bit dat comes at da introduction frame of jiya..it is played wit variations in diff parts of da film....n it is gr8....absolutely gr8......

n direction....i guess dis film has been inspired by a book called Lolita...but i dont care abt dat part....Ramu succeeded in portrayin da emotions beautifully....n his technical crew gave him their best efforts.....since it is directed by him n because of da subject da film has become a controversy but i dont think v shud care abt dat....enjoy da film for its technical excellence...for brilliant performances....for haunting music...for gr8 songs....n above all for da sincere efforts of da team......


PS: i feel happy coz da colloquially used phrase in Andhra Pradesh "Lite Teesko" got a universal acceptance thru dis film....by makin jiya say "take lite"

sada kush raho...:)

.....and then it happened again for the third time......

.......i really dunno wat prompts me to delete n recreate my orkut accounts but its really bcumin a habit n i guess its not a healthy one at all.....im really havin a tough tym wid orkut n im not really able to take those frns n relationships in a lighter vein....dis has been my problem n it continues to be....i wonder if i can ever get bettr of da situation........i guess all my frns hav been facin a tuf tym adjudging my character......but i really think dat der is nuttin wrong wid me...its just dat i want to vent my grief or anguish(or wateva u guys name it) lik dis....but its not dat way.....as u ppl see dat these r not da perfect thins to portray my interior emotions......i guess its da coveted attention(da feel dat everyone wud b thinkin or talkin abt me.....i knoe its silly but cant really help feelin dat way......).....so i want to let u ppl knoe dat im not in any sort of grief,pain or anguish.....n i think these r sum of da interesting phases of my lyf n eventhough at tyms bein painful...m njoin every moment of dis..........dis is for da sake of those people who think dat der is sumthing wrong wid me...(if der r any thinking lik dis....)wid all due respect to ur concern n ur luv upon me i want to make it clear dat i dont hav great grief,anger or pain.......n im njoin my life to the fullest...n wateva i do i bliv in it n do it wholeheartedly..........n i knoe dat it is me who has to face da consequences n i want to let u knoe dat im ready for dat.......so thnx for bein wid me my frns i luv u all.......pls be da same wid me again wen i get into orkut...(i hope itll be a bit late dis tym but da comeback wud be most certain as u can see dat orkut is simply irresistible.......atleast for me...)thnq guys for makin me think dat im special.......for da matter im special coz ive got u ppl as my frns.....luv u all.........

sada kush raho...:)

da much needed break

thank god finally i got da much needed break......i got away from da virtual (orkut) world n stepped into da real world.....all da relationships are real dis time...it didnt take longer durations to get on wid ppl...these r da people whom i know very well n those who know me very well ...so there is not much communication gap.....my home has always been a distant heaven...as long as im in allahabad...n dis tym i missed it so much....actually i was longing to go to my home dis tym..n i donno y...da same nescafe which seemed devoid of any taste felt refreshing n da monotonic masala dosa was marvellous dis tym....n soon i came to know da diff betn da tastes....im not sure of da amount of food im consuming or da taste of it but everything i ate was exquisite..be it from my mom or 4m outside......i started to know da other(real) side of my life...life from an entirely different perspective....my house was filled wid relatives ....they came from faroff places n v had gr8 time together....everybody was concerned about me...n they neva let me do da least errand....my bros n sis's are busy either praisin or pullin my leg....actually i was not sure which one they r upto...but it is certainly a great feelin to know dat ur near ones have a gud feeling abt u......n i blushed frequently....i was out of words most of da time...which doesnt happen wid me normally.....neva in my mind it occured dat i was tryin to impress or convince someone.....they all know me ....n da feelin is gr8...except for a certain person and a couple of occassions in which i was alone orkut n chattin was definitely outta my mind..n im greatful for dat.....i donno for how long dis feeling persists but it certainly is a much needed break n im in it now n njoin it thoroughly.....

sada kush raho...:)

itz my life

FUNNY are those days when my brother n me used to have a dispute about which party to vote for the coming elections at the age of 8 n 10 respectively....we used to have opinions about legends like NTR n Rajiv Gandhi at dat age.....those days in which we used to go to school in a rickshaw.my brother used to be the constant one to sit in the middle seat by alluring other members wid his stories related to mythology.........

JOYOUS are those days wen i was in school n participating for various stage shows,winning some 1 or 2 prizes in essay writing and scout campaigns....i realy dont remember them clearly but those vague images leave me wid some unknown feeling within.......those days when my mom gave 15 rupees to my aunt so dat she can give me 50 ps per day in evenings......

GRIM are those days when i missed my aunt very badly in the absence of my parents...n those days wen i thought dat my aunt will come back to me by resigning her job......
now i feel stupid dat i had contempt for my father who woke me up every morning to train me for exams.....now i recognise dat his efforts are highly responsible for my position as of now......i love you dad......n if possible forgive me for my admonishings which seem very silly and childish to me now......

STRENUOUS are those days wen i was in interimediate wen mathematics seemed to be the religion wherever i go......n those weird chemistry equations gave me nightmares.....n physics was definitely out of my reach despite my (not so sincere) attempts....

COOL are the days after the completion of EAMCET n joinin ENGG..those test matches played by my friends..the movies ive seen widout my parents' knowledge.....(atleast i thought so)......

VALUABLE are those early days of engineering wen i stepped into the real world....the homesickness i faced ......those raggingss by seniors wid me resorting to cry with each n every question.......the advice giiven by my seniors to be tough in life n not to waste valuable tears.....those C and Engineering Drawing classes which seemed to last more than eternity.......
PAINFUL is dat day wen i faced the first failure in my life(Engg Geology).......those tears never seemed to stop at all.....n those summer holidays which i spent entirely in my home without goin out.....

MEMORABLE r those days of engg starting from second year second semester from where my transformation from a boy to a guy had started......those adoloscent chattings wid foreigners in internet....the time i used to spend everyday in front of mirror....the arguments with my dad about the importance of wearing jeans by a youth in an engg colg....the days when we felt on top of the world after coming from a movie on its date of release.....the pride which we used to feel wen asked abt the talk of a prominent hero's latest movie outside its theater on the same day of its release....those three days wen we bunked da colg just coz of not goin to a movie on its first day.....those nightout stands before the exams....the friendships shared between us......those parties where every rich seemed so little infront of our happiness......

EMBARASSING are those incidents wen i followed my first crush wherever she went.......n seemed so dumb infront of her....those days wen i used to have number of rounds around her room just to get a glimpse of her for a fleeting instant.....the day wen i sent her a friend request n it got denied(yahoo messenger).....the cold fury on myself for getting carried away......

HORRIBLE is da day wen i thought of commiting a suicide after knowing dat ive not qualified in GATE exam.....dat is one of those rare occassions where i felt the pain within.......

NOSTALGAIC is da day wen our classmates planned a picnic to the nearby beach.......everybody seemed so wonderful,caring,concerned about each and every other person.....the same gal on whom i had my first crush came to me....n asked me for a walk....dat certainly was a WALK TO REMEMBER.....dat seemed like a split second to me....but dat night my legs were aching like hell ascertaining the fact dat we walked a very long distance......

WEIRD r those days wen i used to work for a company.....immediately after the completion of my engg....those long hours of work used to drain every bit of my energy.....those journeys ive encountered to reach allahabad n acquire an MTECH seat here.......those travels,food n other things which i have not faced till then......

DULL are those initial days in allahabad wen all of our frens seem to have many problems arising from food and language.....we seemed to be out of place.....evry other day palnning to escape .......gradually we got used to it n we found da life fascinating.......

DELIGHTFUL is dis summer which i spent in hyderabad.....me exploring da city wid my closest buddy....i had money dis time n spent it luxuriously......those C language coaching classes which i used as a reason for my bein in hyderabad widout goin home.......but thank god my frens had other thoughts abt my visit there......everyone except me were convinced dat im in da city for a reason.....i learnt few things dat r quite helpful in acquiring a job......

THRILLING are those days after my campus placement with me devoting most of my time to orkut n gettin acquainted with new friends(mostly gals).......

UNFORGETTABLE is da experience i had in front of the TAJ........nothing can match the TAJ.....

FINALLY throughout my life my introspection has developed enormously.......such dat sometimes i feel dat ive gone mad .......but dis is my life...n i gotta lead dis one wid luv n am committed to do dat...

sada kush raho...:)

Life at 21

well I had this habit of bloggin n also deletin them though im not sure wat makes me delete them...well now wat of now....y am i resumin dis...da reason is obvious ...ive been thru a blog today...n so i thot dat it'd be better if i had one...n i think dat im not so bad at writin n thinkin....so wat else do i hav to wait for.....dis has been goin in my life so far...the change of opinions...jus now saw someone sayin dat ar rehman is god.....thot to myself..is really rehman god of music...damn dat..i really started believin dat rehman is god....coz ive already filled my fav music column in orkut wid da phrase REHMAN IS GOD......

n der is more.....some say dat they njoy company of their frns...i hear to them..n start towards my frns in da
anticipation of njoyment but cant find it.....n then some others say dat life is so gr8 thru a window.....so i start towards my window......n fuck myself over there for hours.....but cant get the so called enjoyment......dis is wat happens to me for most of the time....i get carried away by thoughts of others .....so terribly ....even i started dis bloggin for dat matter....is it so gud a feelin wen someone praises ur blog....or someone criticises it....so i thot to hav dat feel.....coz i was neva lucky in dis regard coz im a guy.....n who da hell cares to leave a comment in a guy's godddamned blog....they hav betta thins to attend.....but im an optimist in dis issue mind u only in dis particular thing.....so i started it all over again....now im determined to get a comment or two 4 each n every post ...no matter the amnt of advertising skills it requires...

i donno if it is positive thinking or negative thinking.....n giv a break guys....i dont think there is sumthing lik + thinkin or _ thinkin......there are no sides to life..neither the positive nor the negative.....there is just life....n u gotta take it as it comes...dont bother abt da side of it.....well so much of this idealistic preachin stuff.....

well so gettin to da pt now...life at 21...my life at 21 neva really rocked or sucked.....it went on and on and on.....n it neva is steady....lot of things happened....in this particular year....i cried,enjoyed,moaned,loathed,n wat not ive done
evrything this year....da most happenin yr of my lifetime....n yet da most boring one....daily routine is da same from jan 1st to dec 31st barrin some moments in hyd in summer n a tour of delhi agra n jaipur......gettin up at say 10 or 11 on avge....sumtimes it went beyond 12 noon.....not havin anythin till lunch...or further till dinner....fud neva was my
priority....n then my college really sucks....god knows wat prompted me into this fuckin PG....but then did i hav a
choice....no immediate job after my tech....how am i supposed to be witt frns or other family mems widout any valid thing to do...i just cant face them doin nuttin...whole world expects u to do sumthin or other even if dat isnt their business...they tend to make it theirs....so u gotta do sumthin or other...if u ought to satisfy them if not urself....so got into dis mess...called da post graduate studies...n im nowhere close to bein gud at dat.....my studies n CGPA were not so bad.....but i know da real stuff within me....i donot deserve all these things...but they kept cumin to me...as is da case wid them always....n dis tym i got lucky wid da job as well....for dat matter im a post graduate man...common....i deserve a job n i think so....dont ya think so...neva mind....i dont really care abt ur thinkin anymore....ive come outta all those thins now.....n my diary read da same old shit every day......which is not da case wid it for any of my previous years.....i got fed up writin my diary which doesnot happen to many...i skipped sumtyms...not jus bcoz of da laziness....but also due to da fact dat nuttin really happened in my life dat deserved a mention in my diary......

n towards da end of the yr...ORKUTTING(or as my anonymous frnd said SPYING)...became my alltime fav timepass....days n weeks passed by....wid dat..n i didnt hav da remotest idea of wat is goin on in this world.....i lost in da world of scraps,testimonials,crushes,smileys,n a whole lot of shit......even if i started to take a break it neva really left me....all my frns are into it ....ya dey r really into it...everyone is busy wid yahoo messenger,googletalk,or sumother shit......airtel hutch reliance....n god i cant go into all those...so once again i thought to find solace in them....coz they seem to rule......n i hav nuttin more interestin thin to pursue.....n my thesis work neva really interested me...coz im not passionate abt dat....n then came my birthday......my life as a 21 yr old guy ended....im into 22...but nuthin happened once again.....days r leavin me but their impressions....where r da impressions of da past days.....phew...i cant find them.....well lets c wat dis yr has in store 4 me.....

sada kush raho...:)